Football Fracas

Do you host football or other sports parties? Have you had ever had an unruly guest? I feel that this just might be a situation that is quite common.

Dear Lady Hooper-Brackett,

Please give me the best advice you can on what to do about my cousin. She comes over every Sunday to watch football (we have about 20 people here each week as we enjoy watching the games). She is fine at first, but boy, once she has her fourth beer in her, she becomes a belligerent jerk. She thinks she is being funny with people, she picks on people, but she calls it ‘busting chops’; she is really rude and crass. She is hurting the feelings of everyone who come here. My problem is, I am completely a non-confrontational person. The thought of dis-inviting her is keeping me up at night. What do I do? 

Stressed Hostess

Dear Stressed Hostess,

I certainly don’t advise speaking to her about this while she well into her cups. I shudder to think what would happen. I must admit that I cannot understand those types of people who feel the need to ‘bust chops’ as you said. How does it contribute to a pleasant gathering if you pick on others?

When she is sober, talk to her about her behavior. If you are still scared to do this and it  still gives you insomnia…omit liquor from the Sunday get-togethers completely and see if  the same thing happens. If she is no longer jerky, then fine…all is well. But if she is still rude, I fear you must tell her that she is no longer welcome.

No guest has the right to behave in the manner you described. She is showing disrespect to you, your home, and your other guests.

The Lady Hooper-Brackett

The Bane of “Have a Good One”

I caused a little stir among my friends when I expressed my feelings on this topic. I’m sure that more people are going to disagree with me on this subject. I complained that one my biggest pet peeves is being told to HAVE A GOOD ONE. Everywhere you go from the bank to Burger King to the grocery store to the doctor’s office, when you thank the person taking your money more often than not they tell you to “Have a good one!”

Have a good what exactly????

Drink of water? Vacation? Marathon? Oh….you mean DAY!!!! At first I thought this might be a regional thing peculiar to New England and then she discovered on her travels that this seemed to be prevalent everywhere.

Some might ask: What’s the big deal? I refuse to say Have a Good One because it sounds vulgar…this ‘good one’ can be any number of unsavory things. To be clear…I am as much against ordering someone to Have a Good Day. I much prefer the kindly and mannerly Hungarian custom that Lord Hooper-Brackett explained to me of wishing someone a good day: “I wish you a good day”. That sounds much more civilized.

I know that manners change, but I still can’t help longing for the days before “Have a good one” became the norm.

Wishing You All A Good Day,

The Lady Hooper-Brackett

Photographic Stress in The Family Shrine

Here is a good subject to cover as there seems to be more variety in our family units. An older lady with three children and several grandchildren came to me with this question. Her problem was that two of her children have children with their former spouses, but are now re-married. The bone of contention is this: Her new daughters-in-law both resent the fact that she has family photographs on the wall that still clearly display the old spouse. She insists that it is her house and that the former spouses will always be the mothers of her grandchildren, so why shouldn’t she display their pictures?

I offered this advice:

Yes, while it is true that one can display any and all pictures that one wishes in their home, I feel that others’ feelings must be considered. The display of pictures of ex-in-laws can certainly send the message that the new spouse is not welcome or taken very seriously by the family and I assume that the person posing the questions is intelligent enough to know that this can cause strife in a marriage. (Do you really want to add another stress to your adult child’s life? It’s hard enough as it is without this petty problem) This advice applies to everyone: Regardless of how you feel about your child’s ex, when they have moved on to a serious relationship, support them and this includes taking down old pictures of the ex. It will go a long way to creating harmony in the family.

Best Framed Wishes,

The Lady Hooper-Brackett

Attending A Neighbor’s Wake

I feel this is a situation we all might deal with at one time or another.

Dear Lady Hooper-Brackett,

Is it appropriate for me to attend the wake of a neighbor that I only knew in passing? I would wave at this man and his wife every day when I would come and go from work, but I never said more than hello. I’m not sure if it would be uncomfortable to see his wife and I worry about saying the wrong thing.

Courteous Neighbor

Dear Courteous Neighbor,

Of course I believe that you should attend the wake. It is the neighborly thing to do. While you did not say if these people were older folks, I make the assumption that they are. Think of how your neighbor’s widow must feel right now after losing her husband. Your presence and support, I am sure, will be a comfort to her. And if I may offer further advice…there is nothing wrong with checking in on her in the future to see how she is doing.

Best Neighborly Wishes,

The Lady Hooper-Brackett

Badmouthing An Ex

Have we all been here? Well, I haven;t been the badmouther…but I have heard my share. Here’s my answer to this question.

Dear Lady Hooper-Brackett, 

Here’s my real life question. What do you think of people who bad-mouth their exes in public? 

Ex-Ex-Ex

Dear Ex-Ex-Ex,

I presume that you mean ‘ex-husbands’ ,’ex-wives’ , ‘ex-boyfriends’ or ‘ex-girlfriends’, though I assume you could mean ‘ex-bosses’ or ‘ex-colleagues’.

I have a very good piece of advice for anyone who may be tempted to spout-off publicly: DON’T.

To publicly speak ill of someone that you were once in a relationship with is bad form. I understand that most people do talk about their unfortunate experiences, and there is nothing wrong keeping these conversations in the family circle or between friends. It is when you blab away to all and sundry that it becomes a social faux pas. After all, people can understand that things may not have worked out and it is always better to at least give the impression that things ended on friendly terms.

If the ex is an ex-boss, I fear you will risk any future employment opportunities. People can be reluctant to hire someone for fear that they will in turn talk badly about the new boss.

Silence is Golden.

Best Ex Wishes,

The Lady Hooper-Brackett