Tag: manners

Amy Vanderbilt’s Advice on Accepting Jewelry

This excerpt comes from Amy Vanderbilt’s Every Day Etiquette circa 1956 page 191. I find this advice interesting because in our times, people accept all kinds of gifts from whomever offers them, never really giving much thought to the look of it all. This young lady wrote to Miss Vanderbilt and asked if she must give back a costume jewelry bracelet. Miss Vanderbilt responds with the passage below:

No, costume jewelry does not come within this ban. An un-engaged man should not give to a girl such things as real diamonds, pearls, or mink coats. He must avoid anything so personal as underthings. A recent news picture showed an important American diplomat fastening on his daughter’s wrist a large rhinestone bracelet which, it was explained, was a “gift from one of her boy friends”. So, you see, gifts of costume jewelry are quite all right, even though the cost may be high. After all he could have sent you a spray of orchids that could have cost the same amount of money or entertained you at an equally expensive dinner. 

I agree with Miss Vanderbilt…it is always nice to have a durable gift!

Best Vintage Wishes,

The Lady Hooper-Brackett

A Look At Advice from 1860

I came across this advice from the The Ladies’ Book of Etiquette and Manual of Politeness by Florence Hartley.  I believe that both of these pieces of advice still stand today. Enjoy a little look back at Conversation Advice.

Never interrupt any one who is speaking. It is very Ill-bred. If you see that a person to whom you wish to speak is being addressed buy another person, never speak until she had heard and replied; until her conversation with that person is finished. No truly polite lady ever breaks in upon a conversation or interrupts another speaker. 

It is a mark of ill-breeding to use French phrases or words, unless you are sure your companion is a French scholar, and even then, it is best to avoid them. Above all, do not use any foreign word or phrase, unless you have the language perfectly at your command. I heard a lady once use a Spanish quotation; she had mastered that one sentence alone;  but a Cuban gentleman, delighted to meet an American who could converse with him in his own tongue, immediately addressed her in Spanish. Embarrassed and ashamed, she was obliged to confess that her knowledge of the language was confined to one quotation. 

Best Vintage Memory Wishes,

The Lady Hooper-Brackett

Denied The Recipe

I suppose this situation might be common, but I am not one to ask for recipes. I had to think about just a little in order to answer, as I was trying to get into the head of the one doing the denying!

Dear Lady Hooper-Brackett, 

We recently had dinner at a friend’s house and she served the most delicious dessert! I asked her for the recipe and she seemed taken aback and flatly refused to give it to me. I can’t help but feel slighted…just who was at fault here? 

Dessert Lover

Dear Dessert Lover,

I believe that asking for a recipe for a meal or dish that you truly enjoy is not rude. Quite truthfully, it is a sincere form of flattery. The host should never be insulted to be asked. However, I believe that the host is justified in refusing to divulge the recipe in the following circumstances:

They received the recipe from someone who made them promise never to give it out.

The recipe is a family heirloom (of sorts) and is handed down with the expectation that it will remain a family secret.

The Lady also looks at the situation in this way:

What if your host PURCHASED the dessert and served it to you under the subterfuge that it was their own creation. In this instance, there would be no recipe to pass on. (What a tangled web they weave!)

Best Dessert Wishes,

The Lady Hooper-Brackett

Dinner Vs. Supper

My circle of friends is known for chatting about a variety of subjects and at tea recently, a lively discussion ensued on using the words Dinner and Supper. They asked me my thoughts on the matter (bless them!)

I believe that the heaviest meal of the day is properly called Dinner, whether this large meal takes place at the noon hour or in the evening. There are locales whose inhabitants use these words interchangeably to describe the evening meal. The word dinner on its own does not indicate the time of day of the meal, only that it is the largest meal of the day. In truth, I have not heard the word Supper being used very often lately.

Do I feel that you will be judged harshly for mixing the two words? No.

To add some flair to my own speech (and to pay homage to her wonderful French teacher) I like to refer to her meals using the French phrases: petit dejeuner for breakfast, dejeuner for lunch and diner for dinner. Or she merely uses the generic repas to describe a meal. When in doubt, give things a little French flair and you will always sound correct!

Jusqu’à la prochaine fois, (Until Next Time!)

The Lady Hooper-Brackett

Finger Foods

There never seems to be a shortage of questions about food etiquette and table manners. I was asked to review items that may properly be consumed as ‘finger foods’. Bon Appetit.

Pizza: Except at a very formal dinner where one would use knife and fork (I can truthfully say that I’ve never been to a formal dinner where pizza was served) pizza is eaten in your fingers with the wedge sides held together so that the cheese and filling do not come out. Have a napkin handy, just in case.

French Fries: Plain, small french fries with no gravy or ketchup on them can be eaten using your fingers, unless they are extremely greasy. Large french fries, or those served with gravy or other sauce are best eaten using fork.

Artichokes: A finger food.

Bacon: Only very crisp bacon may be eaten using your fingers.

Fried chicken: Should be eaten as a finger food on informal occasions, but this seems to perhaps be a regional preference. I’ve had my second home in the South for just about 10 years. The first time I attempted to eat fried chicken with a knife and fork, I received many quizzical looks. I cannot recall if I’ve been served fried chicken at a formal dinner.

Corn On The Cob: Finger food.

Sandwiches: Small sandwiches may be eaten from the fingers, but large, high stacked sandwiches would be better eaten with a knife and fork. Imagine how big your mouth would have to be opened if you tried to fit a triple-decker club sandwich into it and how you would feel if someone snapped a picture at that moment. (Gracious!)

Olives and celery: Finger foods. Just a gentle reminder not to stick the olives on the ends of your fingers and nibble on them thoughtfully. I admits that I did this as a child (and with great glee) but once one reaches the age of ten or so, it is no longer appropriate (alas).

Best Food Wishes,

The Lady Hooper-Brackett