Tag: etiquette

Denied The Recipe

I suppose this situation might be common, but I am not one to ask for recipes. I had to think about just a little in order to answer, as I was trying to get into the head of the one doing the denying!

Dear Lady Hooper-Brackett, 

We recently had dinner at a friend’s house and she served the most delicious dessert! I asked her for the recipe and she seemed taken aback and flatly refused to give it to me. I can’t help but feel slighted…just who was at fault here? 

Dessert Lover

Dear Dessert Lover,

I believe that asking for a recipe for a meal or dish that you truly enjoy is not rude. Quite truthfully, it is a sincere form of flattery. The host should never be insulted to be asked. However, I believe that the host is justified in refusing to divulge the recipe in the following circumstances:

They received the recipe from someone who made them promise never to give it out.

The recipe is a family heirloom (of sorts) and is handed down with the expectation that it will remain a family secret.

The Lady also looks at the situation in this way:

What if your host PURCHASED the dessert and served it to you under the subterfuge that it was their own creation. In this instance, there would be no recipe to pass on. (What a tangled web they weave!)

Best Dessert Wishes,

The Lady Hooper-Brackett

Dinner Vs. Supper

My circle of friends is known for chatting about a variety of subjects and at tea recently, a lively discussion ensued on using the words Dinner and Supper. They asked me my thoughts on the matter (bless them!)

I believe that the heaviest meal of the day is properly called Dinner, whether this large meal takes place at the noon hour or in the evening. There are locales whose inhabitants use these words interchangeably to describe the evening meal. The word dinner on its own does not indicate the time of day of the meal, only that it is the largest meal of the day. In truth, I have not heard the word Supper being used very often lately.

Do I feel that you will be judged harshly for mixing the two words? No.

To add some flair to my own speech (and to pay homage to her wonderful French teacher) I like to refer to her meals using the French phrases: petit dejeuner for breakfast, dejeuner for lunch and diner for dinner. Or she merely uses the generic repas to describe a meal. When in doubt, give things a little French flair and you will always sound correct!

Jusqu’à la prochaine fois, (Until Next Time!)

The Lady Hooper-Brackett

Finger Foods

There never seems to be a shortage of questions about food etiquette and table manners. I was asked to review items that may properly be consumed as ‘finger foods’. Bon Appetit.

Pizza: Except at a very formal dinner where one would use knife and fork (I can truthfully say that I’ve never been to a formal dinner where pizza was served) pizza is eaten in your fingers with the wedge sides held together so that the cheese and filling do not come out. Have a napkin handy, just in case.

French Fries: Plain, small french fries with no gravy or ketchup on them can be eaten using your fingers, unless they are extremely greasy. Large french fries, or those served with gravy or other sauce are best eaten using fork.

Artichokes: A finger food.

Bacon: Only very crisp bacon may be eaten using your fingers.

Fried chicken: Should be eaten as a finger food on informal occasions, but this seems to perhaps be a regional preference. I’ve had my second home in the South for just about 10 years. The first time I attempted to eat fried chicken with a knife and fork, I received many quizzical looks. I cannot recall if I’ve been served fried chicken at a formal dinner.

Corn On The Cob: Finger food.

Sandwiches: Small sandwiches may be eaten from the fingers, but large, high stacked sandwiches would be better eaten with a knife and fork. Imagine how big your mouth would have to be opened if you tried to fit a triple-decker club sandwich into it and how you would feel if someone snapped a picture at that moment. (Gracious!)

Olives and celery: Finger foods. Just a gentle reminder not to stick the olives on the ends of your fingers and nibble on them thoughtfully. I admits that I did this as a child (and with great glee) but once one reaches the age of ten or so, it is no longer appropriate (alas).

Best Food Wishes,

The Lady Hooper-Brackett

Leaving a Lasting Impression

Every year when high school seniors are taking their senior portraits, some seem to be drive their parents crazy as evidenced by this email I received.

Dear Lady Hooper-Brackett,

I am at my wit’s end trying to convince my daughter that the outfit she has chosen for her senior picture is all wrong and is not the type of thing she will want hanging on the wall for years to come. She is trying to emulate a popular singer and wants to look like one of her recent photos that was plastered all over the news, crazy makeup and all. Help me convince her this is not smart, we have been fighting over this for a week. The photography session is scheduled in two weeks.

Desperate Mother

Dear Desperate Mother,

Oh how I sympathize with your plight. It is difficult to get through to a headstrong teenager. One hesitates to demand that she dress according to what you feel is best, so let’s try to convince her in other ways.

You could try to explain to her that this picture will live on, not only in your hallway or living room where family portraits are hung, but in the yearbooks of all those she is graduating with and in the school libraries. Basically, this statement she is about to make in her senior picture will live on in perpetuity. I feel that this fact will not sink in with most teenagers because they feel that we ‘old people’ don’t know what we are talking about.

Here is a way that might drive your point home:

When your high school senior is home, take out your yearbook, get a hold of your parents’ yearbooks, any yearbook you can find. Make a game out of looking at all the senior portraits. When you find a fashion victim from the era the yearbook was published, laugh uproariously and point at it and make fun of it. Say something along the line of: “Look at this guy who thought it would be fun to look like Elvis! Bet he wishes he didn’t wear that rhinestone leisure suit today!” or in my case, I could find several Blond Ambition-era Madonna wanna-bes in my yearbook and say “I remember poor Phoebe wanted to look like Madonna so bad she wore the missile shaped bra even though you can’t see it in the picture. I bet she wishes she didn’t wear that long fake ponytail now.” What I hope will happen is that the stubborn teen will see rather than be told how ridiculous it is to wear anything in a portrait that pays homage to the popular figures of the moment. Imagine running for public office and having someone trot out a yearbook?

I suggest that the best outfit for your daughter to wear in a senior portrait is a classic top with a conservative neckline in a solid color. Jewelry should be understated, a string of pearls and simple pearl or diamond studs. The young lady shouldn’t make such a fuss if you insist she wear this. I’m sure that she and her friends are all taking selfies of themselves in all manner of costumes. Let this in-good-taste portrait be her gift to you for helping her along as she made her way through the rigors of education. One day, I am sure, she will look back and be thankful that you spared her the embarrassment of a bad decision.

My advice for a simple outfit applies to all students for school photos, by the way.

Best Senior Wishes,

The Lady Hooper-Brackett.

Thoughts on Showers

I’ve attended many showers in my life and have been asked about the planning of countless others. Here are some of the more common answers to questions I receive about wedding showers.

Display or acknowledgment of gifts of money: I realize that at showers, the bride-to-be opens the gifts of those attending, but to open each envelope that might contain a check or cash and to announce to those gathered how much someone gave is quite gauche, in my opinion. To announce that someone gave you a modest amount after someone gave you a large amount can cause undue embarrassment. It is better to avoid public discussion of money at all costs.

Multiple showers or engagement parties: I caution against having too many parties. Should you have an extravagant party announcing your engagement, any showers given by friends should be small affairs. The financial strain placed on those who feel obligated to give multiple gifts is too great.

Work gifts: In many places a group gift is generally what is given by the coworkers of the engaged. Usually, not everyone in the department is invited to the wedding, but is it necessary to give an individual gift if you have already contributed to the group gift? I say no.

Family as hosts for showers: In the past it was frowned upon for the family of the bride to host a shower due to the appearance of the family asking for gifts for the bride. I realize that times have changed. A better suggestion would be for the host to be a friend of the bride and for the family to perhaps contribute ‘behind the scenes’ by supplying the food or decorations.

Cover charge to attend a shower: Believe it or not, I was once issued an invitation asking for a contribution to pay for the buffet supper served at a shower. This is completely improper. You do not charge your guests for the privilege of attending your shower and giving you a gift! (The HORROR!!!)

Best Shower Wishes,

The Lady Hooper-Brackett