Category: Ask The Lady Hooper Brackett

Dealing With Dastardly Doorbell Dingers

Here’s another universal problem that people wonder about.

Dear Lady Hooper-Brackett, 

There are more people than ever wandering up and down my street ringing  doorbells and trying to sell something, be it religion or new windows for the house. I struggle with not being rude as they go on and on repeating their rehearsed scripts, while I can not seem to get a word in at all. The fact is, I do not want to be bothered. They seem to have a knack of showing up at dinner time and disturbing my meal. I am fed up. Can I politely tell them to shove off?

Get Off My Porch

Dear Get Off My Porch,I also dread when the uninvited ring my bell in order to sell something and believes that you can solve your problem thusly:

When the Doorbell ringers come to the door, open it with a flourish, look them in the eye, smile, and say “I’m not interested” and close the door immediately. Give them no opportunity to waste your time. This, by the way, is not discourteous as it also frees up their time to visit more houses in the time allowed.

Best Visitor Wishes,

The Lady Hooper-Brackett

Asking For A Raise

I think everyone has this question at one point or another in their work lives: how to ask for a raise.

Dear Lady Hooper-Brackett:

I’ve been working the same company for seven years. I’ve held many different positions, learning each quickly as I was shuffled around. I am now at the point where I can do pretty much everything if needed. I don’t think I am compensated enough and I wanted to know how I can discuss this subject and ask for a raise while not seeming to brag about myself. Frankly, I am quite accomplished, but I do not want to seem like I am boastful.

Underpaid and Undervalued

Dear Underpaid and Undervalued,

I can sympathize with your plight and assure you that you are not alone in your feelings. It will not be construed as bragging if you have actually achieved these tasks at work and approach your boss in a thoughtful manner. In business circles, speaking frankly of work accomplishments can be seen as confidence and high self-esteem.  When you meet with your boss or HR representative, you may cite special projects that you have completed, the length of time you have been employed (especially if you are one of the old retainers that have stayed while newer hires have left), the efficiency with which you perform your duties etc…These are all FACTS and certainly not bragging.

I make this caution, however. You should never try to negotiate from the position of ‘needing more money’ but from the position of your worth and value to the company. Certainly, if you can fill in for any position at any moment’s notice as you state, you are a jewel to the company and will not be an employee that any smart employer will want to lose. Be confident and boldly ask!

Best Raise Wishes,

The Lady Hooper-Brackett

Using The Neighbors Recycling Bin

This question was an interesting one. I wonder how many people have dealt with this or just filled trash bags and called it a day!

Dear Lady Hooper-Brackett, 

I had about 80 people over for a party As you can imagine, we served beer, wine, and other adult beverages (we were responsible and had designated drivers) What I have to deal with now is the huge amount of empty cans and bottles that I need to put in the recycling bins. Can I put the extras in my neighbors recycling bins? Would this be proper?

Responsible Recycler

Dear Responsible Recycler,

I’m most pleased that you were a responsible host, also, and provided your guests with the gift of safety as you entertained them.

Now…on to the question of your neighbors’ bins. You ask if it would be proper….do you mean legally? I advise you to check with your local council.

Now…is it mannerly? Hmmm.

Perhaps your neighbor would not like to be seen by others as being someone who likes to imbibe. Your placement of the empty cans and bottles would certainly give judgmental neighbors something to talk about. I mean, dozens of bourbon bottles would get anyone talking!

The next problem that may arise is that your neighbor may run out of room for his own bottles and cans. This is certainly an imposition.

My advice is thus: Ask your neighbor if you may use the bin and if they say yes, place soda bottles or other non-alcoholic packaging in their bin. Save the booze bottles for your own bin.

Best Recycling Wishes,

The Lady Hooper-Brackett

Is Clothing Part of Manners?

I received this interesting question and was at first at a loss if an answer was appropriate as it doesn’t strictly pertain to manners and etiquette. Then, after thinking about it, I do believe it is a good question for us all to ponder.

Dear Lady Hooper-Brackett,

Do you think clothes have anything to do with manners? I mean, the items we choose to wear every day have nothing to do with how we treat people. Am I wrong to think this way? 

Casual Dresser

Dear Casual Dresser,

Your question is a good one…and seemingly very relevant in our less formal ways of current living.  Clothing does communicate to others, and this communication should be mannerly and in good taste. Yes, I do believe that clothing is part of manners and gracious living. You wouldn’t (hopefully) show up at a formal dinner wearing a Speedo.  You wouldn’t wear a tuxedo to a pool party. These examples show that these choices would call attention to yourself and make others uncomfortable. As much as we hate to admit, people judge others upon first meeting. Your appearance will color what others think of you, more than the fact that you open doors for ladies or have impeccable table manners.  Especially if you seek to dress differently for shock value, choosing the wrong clothing can be rude. Appropriateness in all situations will make you and everyone else around you comfortable.

Best Clothes Wishes,

The Lady Hooper-Brackett

A Question of Asparagus

Here is an unusual bit of email that I received from a reader regarding a veggie.

Dear Lady Hooper-Brackett, 

I am a busy mom with three young sons. I have tried to teach them correct table manners. During our weekly Try-A-New-Food night meal, I served asparagus to them for the first time. I had instructed them that they could eat the asparagus spears with their fingers, but my husband told me that he felt this wasn’t correct. Do you know?

Signed,

Trying My Best 

Dear Trying My Best,

You ask if I know the answer and I humbly say….why, yes, I do.

You may use the side of your fork to gently cut the soft part of the asparagus spear, impale it on the fork, and then convey it to your mouth. This method is preferred in most conservative circles, especially if the asparagus is quite soft and has been covered in some type of sauce.

If, however, the stalks are firm with the sauce only applied to the tops, you may properly pick the spears up with your fingers and eat the soft edible part down to the tough part of the spear. You would then neatly place the devoured stalks on the side of your plate.

You did not reveal how you served this noble vegetable to your family, so I cannot say whether or not your husband was wrong in correcting you. I do commend you most effusively for introducing your sons to new foods. I am sure they are on their way to being cultured gentlemen.

Best Mealtime Wishes,

The Lady Hooper-Brackett