Tag: problems

Why The Approach Was Wrong

Here is a follow up to the last scenario as I was asked about my concerns about the way Mr. Old High School Crush had approached the seeker of advice. I received two emails asking me to please follow up. Here are my thoughts, for your eager consumption.

I took exception to:

  1.  Him staring at someone across the room repeatedly and so conspicuously that they noticed.
  2. Him approaching the table and asking the lady if she recognized him. Why not say, “Hello, I am Mr. SoAndSo, I believe we went to high school together and wanted to say hello.” Doesn’t that sound better than “Don’t you recognize me?” and putting the innocent party on the spot?
  3. Him standing over a seated person. If an empty chair was at the table, he would have done well to ask permission to be seated. By remaining standing, he called attention to himself and the table.
  4. Him revealing a lady’s age in public by announcing to all gathered what year she graduated from high school. (Oh, the horror!)

Am I being nitpicky in this situation? I don’t believe so. Certainly, having a bit more polish would have been more of a credit to this man. And if he remembered the basic tenets of Putting Others At Ease and Never Calling Attention To Oneself he would have come out smelling like a rose! However, I suppose in his enthusiasm for seeing his old school chum, he forgot and according to the letter, no harm was done. In this case, I will give him the benefit of the doubt. After all, ignoring innocent social flubs should be part of our own code of etiquette.

Best Mannerly Wishes,

The Lady Hooper-Brackett

The Lady’s Thoughts On Her Travel Experience

Travel annoyances are, alas, a universal occurrence in our present age, especially when traveling by air. I try to be an easy-going traveler as we are jammed into the Aluminum Tube and we must make do in a small space with hardly any leg room. In those circumstances, we are all suffering and I realize we cannot all be at our best. However as I observed and shared space with my fellow travelers yesterday, it was clear that it was to be a lesson in poor manners, indeed. At the very least it is a lesson in complete unawareness of those around you. 

Let’s begin with the security lines, which is not really etiquette related, but things that have become my peeves!

When I travel I dress for comfort, but I always wear proper shoes that are stable and cover the foot. I also always wear socks. I believe that going barefoot through the security line is a bad idea. To me, it is not simply a matter of aesthetics (many people have unattractive feet!) but, my biggest concern is how many other barefoot people have stood upon the footprints in the screening machine?

I believe that wearing crazy high heeled shoes and flip flops are a bad idea. If there is an emergency during which you will need to vacate the plane quickly, these shoes offer no protection or stability. They are a trip hazard and you may prevent others from exiting quickly in an emergency.

Standing where the carryon luggage comes out of the X-ray machine on the conveyor belt and putting on your shoes, jacket, arranging yourself etc…impedes the flow of the security line and holds everyone up. Every airport that I am in has benches a few feet from the conveyor belts. Grab your stuff and arrange yourself there.

Rant over.

Best Travel Wishes,

The Lady Hooper-Brackett

How Similar Must Our Etiquette Backgrounds Be? A Fiancee’s Conundrum

I am fortunate to be acquainted with many people and enjoy all of my friendships immensely. Recently, I was emailed by the daughter of a dear friend and asked my opinion on a sensitive topic.

Dear Lady Hooper-Brackett,

The man to whom I am engaged comes from a family that is completely lacking in any sort of manners. They think I am fussy and cold and much too much of a nitpicker, and I think they are rude, crude, and basically barbarians. I am thinking of ending the engagement because when my fiance is with them, he follows their lead and acts like a boor. Should I end the relationship?

Well, you can imagine my dismay at reading the poor girl’s letter.  She is in quite a pickle, indeed.

Without telling what her what to do, I pointed out a few important things in my response.

  1. You have no right to dictate to his family that they should change and adapt your standards of manners.
  2. They have no right to ask you to change, either.
  3. You do, however, have every right to expect that you and your fiance will come to an agreement as to the standards under which you, he, and your future offspring will live.
  4. Relationships and/or marriages are more harmonious when people have similar backgrounds, and manners are a big part of backgrounds.
  5. If he is unwilling to establish reasonable standards for the new family unit you are about to become, then I would think long and hard about marriage to him.

I maintain that it is easier and less expensive to break off an engagement than it is to get a divorce.

Best Mannerly Wishes,

The Lady Hooper-Brackett