Cherished reader, The Lady Hooper-Brackett is fortunate to be acquainted with many people and enjoys all of my friendships immensely. Recently, I was emailed by the daughter of a dear friend and asked my opinion :
The man to whom I am engaged comes from a family that is completely lacking in any sort of manners. They think I am fussy and cold and much too much of a nitpicker, and I think they are rude, crude, and basically barbarians. I am thinking of ending the engagement because when my fiance is with them, he follows their lead and acts like a boor. Should I end the relationship?
Well, you can imagine my dismay at reading the poor girl’s letter. She is in quite a pickle, indeed.
Without telling what her to do, I pointed out a few important things:
- You have no right to dictate to his family that they should change and adapt your standards of manners.
- They have no right to ask you to change, either.
- You do, however, have every right to expect that you and your fiance will come to an agreement as to the standards you, he, and your future offspring will live.
- Relationships and/or marriages are more harmonious when people have similar backgrounds, and manners are a big part of backgrounds.
- If he is unwilling to establish the standards for the new family unit you are about to become, then I would think long and hard about marriage to him.
The Lady Hooper-Brackett maintains that it is easier and less expensive to break off an engagement than it is to get a divorce.
Best Mannerly Wishes,
The Lady Hooper-Brackett