Mrs. Post gives her advice on moving to New York from a small town. As a modern person, I believe that we today would have less of an issue making friends in a big city since we have social media and other avenues to help us make friends. In 1945…not so much.
With an increased interest in economy and saving money, more people are using all of their leftovers. But this question involves serving them at a social gathering.
Dear Lady Hooper-Brackett,
For the past six years on the day after Thanksgiving, my sister-in-law has a party at her home. She feels that since we are all not together on the holiday proper, it can be a ‘second-edition’ Thanksgiving for us. She extends invitations to about a dozen of us in the family. My question is this: Is it really acceptable for her to heat up her Thanksgiving leftovers and serve these items to us as she has been doing? Don’t get me wrong, her cooking is wonderful, but I can’t help but feel that it is a little rude to be served leftover food. Who is correct here?
I Don’t Like Leftovers
Dear I Don’t Like Leftovers,
I admit that I have never been asked this question before, so some time was needed to come up with a thoughtful answer.
The one caveat to this that I will add: It never seems proper to serve leftovers in any other circumstance than this one: Invite family or extremely close friends only and be upfront.
Try to be gracious yourself, even if you do not like leftovers.
Best Leftover Wishes,
The Lady Hooper-Brackett
It happens every year! The subject of the etiquette of culling the Christmas Card list. Specifically, the protocol to choosing who gets the boot.
Well, of course there is a protocol (in my humble opinion)
When I was growing up, I often heard my grandmother and mother say that the best way to reduce the number of names on the Christmas Card list was to keep track of who one sent cards the year before and if they did not sent one back, they were stricken from the list and blackballed from holiday greetings. This has been the technique that I’ve used in my adult life. I remember one fine Yuletide when I had mailed out 121 holiday greetings only to receive 28 back. Needless to say, that year was a huge cull!
“But, dear Lady, ” you may ask, “what if I strike someone from my list who will be offended?” If they send you a card, send one to them. But, it has become increasingly more obvious that people WANT to cut down on their lists. So they will probably not be offended.
Best Card Sending Wishes,
The Lady Hooper-Brackett
I enjoy holidays for the family togetherness and of course, the opportunity to show off a properly set table! But just what if the table will be filled with those on opposite sides of the political spectrum? Let us examine…
Dear Lady Hooper-Brackett,
I am a 53 year old woman who is beyond the point of tolerance for my family members. Maybe it’s my age, but I have no patience, time, or inclination to deal with people who are letting their opposing political views get in the way of my Thanksgiving celebration. My darling cherub children and their cousins are pretty much guaranteeing a big family feud as we carve the turkey. I have seen with my own eyes the posts on social media. I find this whole thing absurd and feel caught in the middle. What can I do? I told my husband I am ready to cancel the whole thing and go eat my Thanksgiving meal in peace at Golden Corral.
Pissed Off Mother of 4
Dear Pissed Off Mother of 4,
Firstly, I would like to point out that this is the precise reason that politics is on the No-No Topic list for polite conversation!
Second, while I dn’t have a problem with Golden Corral, I’m unsure that you will be satisfied entrusting your Thanksgiving enjoyment to this place on what will probably be the most crowded day of the year.
Third, I remind you that the gathering will be at your home and YOU make the rules. If this animosity if being broadcast across social media, you have every right to send an email or make a call informing the warring factions that they are to leave their political squabbling at the door and not bring it inside. That is NOT what a family meal is for. And as you mention cousins will be coming to your home, I would include their parents (you or your husband’s siblings) on the email or calls. MAKE IT VERY CLEAR (in a mannerly way, of course) that this is a non-negotiable house rule. For example:
“Dear Children and Dear Nieces and Nephews, I am looking forward to seeing all of you on Thanksgiving and enjoying much-anticipated family time. I request that we use this day to celebrate family and gratitude and not use it to squabble over politics, religion, or any other divisive topic. I want to hear all about YOU, your families, jobs, and achievements. I love you all and I know that you will respect my wishes as you come to my home. I would be very disappointed to not continue our family tradition due to this matter. We will be family longer than any one political person will be the in office. Love, Your Pissed Off Mother and Aunt”
I am quite frankly tired of the political climate, which is why I frequently watches re-runs of Designing Women and The Golden Girls and has fond memories of the 80s and the Reagans. (Am I showing my age?)
Please write back after Thanksgiving with an update.
Best Thanksgiving Wishes,
The Lady Hooper-Brackett
Do you host football or other sports parties? Have you had ever had an unruly guest? I feel that this just might be a situation that is quite common.
Dear Lady Hooper-Brackett,
Please give me the best advice you can on what to do about my cousin. She comes over every Sunday to watch football (we have about 20 people here each week as we enjoy watching the games). She is fine at first, but boy, once she has her fourth beer in her, she becomes a belligerent jerk. She thinks she is being funny with people, she picks on people, but she calls it ‘busting chops’; she is really rude and crass. She is hurting the feelings of everyone who come here. My problem is, I am completely a non-confrontational person. The thought of dis-inviting her is keeping me up at night. What do I do?
Stressed Hostess
Dear Stressed Hostess,
I certainly don’t advise speaking to her about this while she well into her cups. I shudder to think what would happen. I must admit that I cannot understand those types of people who feel the need to ‘bust chops’ as you said. How does it contribute to a pleasant gathering if you pick on others?
When she is sober, talk to her about her behavior. If you are still scared to do this and it still gives you insomnia…omit liquor from the Sunday get-togethers completely and see if the same thing happens. If she is no longer jerky, then fine…all is well. But if she is still rude, I fear you must tell her that she is no longer welcome.
No guest has the right to behave in the manner you described. She is showing disrespect to you, your home, and your other guests.
The Lady Hooper-Brackett
The Lady Hooper-Brackett 