The Lady Hooper-Brackett: Etiquette. Manners. Advice.
Work with The Lady Hooper-Brackett: Proofreading-Consultation-Digital Marketing Services
Cherished readers, The Lady hopes you will enjoy this fun, short snippet from one of her favorite films, Auntie Mame starring Rosalind Russell. Little Patrick Dennis demonstrates impeccable manners in his dealings with Mr. Babcock. A true gentleman host!
Best Friday Wishes,
The Lady Hooper-Brackett
Many years ago, I was employed at a large insurance company and had my very own cubicle. I can relate to the writer of this question.
Dear Lady Hooper-Brackett,
I work in a large office on a floor with approximately 100 other people. We work in our own little cubicle villages, but as you can imagine there is very little privacy. There is one co-worker who is ridiculously obnoxious to all of us around her. She listens to every conversation, both business and personal, and pokes her head over the wall and comments or advises without invitation. While I realize anything you say on the floor can be overheard, I find the fact that she makes no bones about letting us all know she knows what is going on and seems almost proud that she is an eavesdropper. So what do we do? I am writing not just for myself but for the group of us who are forced to sit near her.
Frustrated in Cubicle Purgatory
Dear Frustrated,
Oh my.
I preface my answer by acknowledging that this person may be lonely and just looking for something to talk about. Also, she might not even realize what she is doing is rude because of the expectation of no privacy on the floor. If she is one of these people and you will know it usually, I advise kindness. Just smile at her when she comments or thank her. Maybe even taking a break together and being friendly will help. Steer subjects to things other than work. The lonely and the clueless can generally be rehabilitated.
If you suspect that this is not the case with this person and you find she just enjoys feeling in charge and in control, when she starts to advise you about business, cut her off and say “Thank you, SoandSo, I have it covered.” If you all do this, I believe that this will stop.
If it is a personal conversation, again cut her off and pointedly say, “That was a private matter that I do not wish to discuss it with you.”
The problem with eavesdroppers is that they only hear one side of things and their advice (and the gossip that they pass) only applies to their one-sided listening. If this is truly bothersome and disruptive to work, I am sure that HR can call a meeting on the matter and address it as a department or company issue.
Best Work Wishes,
The Lady Hooper-Brackett
I had gotten two questions in short succession about dining away from home and how to comport yourself, be it in a restaurant or at a friend’s home. Here are good reminders for us all.
Best Dining Wishes,
The Lady Hooper-Brackett
I cannot be certain how widespread this issue really is, as the correspondent states she is from Texas, but I feel this might be something that some readers deal with regardless of locale.
Dear Lady Hooper-Brackett,
How do I politely say no to a woman who is involved in a multi-level marketing company who continually pesters me to try the latest and greatest product? I have never shown enthusiasm for the products at all, but at every turn she brings up the company, the marketing plan, and actually makes me feel as though there is something wrong with me for not wanting to join. The fact is, she and the other people who sell these products are pushy as hell and I have no desire to be in their company. I am a proper Southern Belle Texas lady, but there are times I want to be rude and tell her to back off.
Had Enough In Houston
Dear Had Enough in Houston,
I’m sorry that you are being seemingly targeted by this enthusiastic person who obviously is passionate about what they do. Their passion, however, should not infringe on your peace and quiet. I see nothing wrong with telling her flatly that while you appreciate her wishing to “spread the word” about products she obviously loves, you do not wish to try them, so please do not ask. Be firm. If she continues on her quest to get you to buy or sign, she is the rude one, and you have every right to remind her that you’ve spoken to her already about your feelings on this company. No is NO.
Socialization should not be a sales pitch. In my opinion, truly effective sales efforts attract and do not attack.
Best Non-Salesy Wishes,
The Lady Hooper-Brackett
Ahhhh I was asked how mannerly it is to plan a surprise party for someone that has stated they do not want one.
My very short answer: It isn’t. At all.
If the person of honor has made it very clear that they do not wish to be surprised, you do not surprise them. EVER. Not for the fun of it or to make everyone happy or because it would be a great thing to see their shocked face. The celebration is not for you. And you will risk seriously making your loved-one upset if you go ahead and plan such a function against their wishes.
The only time that a surprise party is warranted is when you know with absolute certainty that they enjoy surprises or have expressed the desire to one day have a surprise party. I would like to state for the record that in no circumstance would I want a surprise party and would probably lose all sense of decorum if I walked into one thrown in her honor.
Take into consideration these points:
The surprisee may not be properly dressed for a party
The surprisee may not have had their makeup, nails, or hair done and these things may be of the utmost importance to them (I attended a surprise party of a friend who entered her home after digging in her flower beds and covered in dirt…her husband was banished to the couch for a month after this incident)
The surprisee might be feeling unwell
The surprisee might just want to avoid people because they are a curmudgeon (and that’s OK!)
Best Surprise Wishes,
The Lady Hooper-Brackett
The Lady Hooper-Brackett: Etiquette. Manners. Advice. 