Ahhhh I was asked how mannerly it is to plan a surprise party for someone that has stated they do not want one.
My very short answer: It isn’t. At all.
If the person of honor has made it very clear that they do not wish to be surprised, you do not surprise them. EVER. Not for the fun of it or to make everyone happy or because it would be a great thing to see their shocked face. The celebration is not for you. And you will risk seriously making your loved-one upset if you go ahead and plan such a function against their wishes.
The only time that a surprise party is warranted is when you know with absolute certainty that they enjoy surprises or have expressed the desire to one day have a surprise party. I would like to state for the record that in no circumstance would I want a surprise party and would probably lose all sense of decorum if I walked into one thrown in her honor.
Take into consideration these points:
The surprisee may not be properly dressed for a party
The surprisee may not have had their makeup, nails, or hair done and these things may be of the utmost importance to them (I attended a surprise party of a friend who entered her home after digging in her flower beds and covered in dirt…her husband was banished to the couch for a month after this incident)
The surprisee might be feeling unwell
The surprisee might just want to avoid people because they are a curmudgeon (and that’s OK!)
Best Surprise Wishes,
The Lady Hooper-Brackett