Tag: life

The Surprise Party

Ahhhh I was asked how mannerly it is to plan a surprise party for someone that has stated they do not want one.

My very short answer: It isn’t. At all.

If the person of honor has made it very clear that they do not wish to be surprised, you do not surprise them. EVER. Not for the fun of it or to make everyone happy or because it would be a great thing to see their shocked face. The celebration is not for you. And you will risk seriously making your loved-one upset if you go ahead and plan such a function against their wishes.

The only time that a surprise party is warranted is when you know with absolute certainty that they enjoy surprises or have expressed the desire to one day have a surprise party. I would like to state for the record that in no circumstance would I want a surprise party and would probably lose all sense of decorum if I walked into one thrown in her honor.

Take into consideration these points:

The surprisee may not be properly dressed for a party

The surprisee may not have had their makeup, nails, or hair done and these things may be of the utmost importance to them (I attended a surprise party of a friend who entered her home after digging in her flower beds and covered in dirt…her husband was banished to the couch for a month after this incident)

The surprisee might be feeling unwell

The surprisee might just want to avoid people because they are a curmudgeon (and that’s OK!)

Best Surprise Wishes,

The Lady Hooper-Brackett

Finger Foods

There never seems to be a shortage of questions about food etiquette and table manners. I was asked to review items that may properly be consumed as ‘finger foods’. Bon Appetit.

Pizza: Except at a very formal dinner where one would use knife and fork (I can truthfully say that I’ve never been to a formal dinner where pizza was served) pizza is eaten in your fingers with the wedge sides held together so that the cheese and filling do not come out. Have a napkin handy, just in case.

French Fries: Plain, small french fries with no gravy or ketchup on them can be eaten using your fingers, unless they are extremely greasy. Large french fries, or those served with gravy or other sauce are best eaten using fork.

Artichokes: A finger food.

Bacon: Only very crisp bacon may be eaten using your fingers.

Fried chicken: Should be eaten as a finger food on informal occasions, but this seems to perhaps be a regional preference. I’ve had my second home in the South for just about 10 years. The first time I attempted to eat fried chicken with a knife and fork, I received many quizzical looks. I cannot recall if I’ve been served fried chicken at a formal dinner.

Corn On The Cob: Finger food.

Sandwiches: Small sandwiches may be eaten from the fingers, but large, high stacked sandwiches would be better eaten with a knife and fork. Imagine how big your mouth would have to be opened if you tried to fit a triple-decker club sandwich into it and how you would feel if someone snapped a picture at that moment. (Gracious!)

Olives and celery: Finger foods. Just a gentle reminder not to stick the olives on the ends of your fingers and nibble on them thoughtfully. I admits that I did this as a child (and with great glee) but once one reaches the age of ten or so, it is no longer appropriate (alas).

Best Food Wishes,

The Lady Hooper-Brackett

Leaving a Lasting Impression

Every year when high school seniors are taking their senior portraits, some seem to be drive their parents crazy as evidenced by this email I received.

Dear Lady Hooper-Brackett,

I am at my wit’s end trying to convince my daughter that the outfit she has chosen for her senior picture is all wrong and is not the type of thing she will want hanging on the wall for years to come. She is trying to emulate a popular singer and wants to look like one of her recent photos that was plastered all over the news, crazy makeup and all. Help me convince her this is not smart, we have been fighting over this for a week. The photography session is scheduled in two weeks.

Desperate Mother

Dear Desperate Mother,

Oh how I sympathize with your plight. It is difficult to get through to a headstrong teenager. One hesitates to demand that she dress according to what you feel is best, so let’s try to convince her in other ways.

You could try to explain to her that this picture will live on, not only in your hallway or living room where family portraits are hung, but in the yearbooks of all those she is graduating with and in the school libraries. Basically, this statement she is about to make in her senior picture will live on in perpetuity. I feel that this fact will not sink in with most teenagers because they feel that we ‘old people’ don’t know what we are talking about.

Here is a way that might drive your point home:

When your high school senior is home, take out your yearbook, get a hold of your parents’ yearbooks, any yearbook you can find. Make a game out of looking at all the senior portraits. When you find a fashion victim from the era the yearbook was published, laugh uproariously and point at it and make fun of it. Say something along the line of: “Look at this guy who thought it would be fun to look like Elvis! Bet he wishes he didn’t wear that rhinestone leisure suit today!” or in my case, I could find several Blond Ambition-era Madonna wanna-bes in my yearbook and say “I remember poor Phoebe wanted to look like Madonna so bad she wore the missile shaped bra even though you can’t see it in the picture. I bet she wishes she didn’t wear that long fake ponytail now.” What I hope will happen is that the stubborn teen will see rather than be told how ridiculous it is to wear anything in a portrait that pays homage to the popular figures of the moment. Imagine running for public office and having someone trot out a yearbook?

I suggest that the best outfit for your daughter to wear in a senior portrait is a classic top with a conservative neckline in a solid color. Jewelry should be understated, a string of pearls and simple pearl or diamond studs. The young lady shouldn’t make such a fuss if you insist she wear this. I’m sure that she and her friends are all taking selfies of themselves in all manner of costumes. Let this in-good-taste portrait be her gift to you for helping her along as she made her way through the rigors of education. One day, I am sure, she will look back and be thankful that you spared her the embarrassment of a bad decision.

My advice for a simple outfit applies to all students for school photos, by the way.

Best Senior Wishes,

The Lady Hooper-Brackett.

Dealing With Dastardly Doorbell Dingers

Here’s another universal problem that people wonder about.

Dear Lady Hooper-Brackett, 

There are more people than ever wandering up and down my street ringing  doorbells and trying to sell something, be it religion or new windows for the house. I struggle with not being rude as they go on and on repeating their rehearsed scripts, while I can not seem to get a word in at all. The fact is, I do not want to be bothered. They seem to have a knack of showing up at dinner time and disturbing my meal. I am fed up. Can I politely tell them to shove off?

Get Off My Porch

Dear Get Off My Porch,I also dread when the uninvited ring my bell in order to sell something and believes that you can solve your problem thusly:

When the Doorbell ringers come to the door, open it with a flourish, look them in the eye, smile, and say “I’m not interested” and close the door immediately. Give them no opportunity to waste your time. This, by the way, is not discourteous as it also frees up their time to visit more houses in the time allowed.

Best Visitor Wishes,

The Lady Hooper-Brackett

Advice on Insults from 1967

Here’s an excerpt from The Encyclopedia of Etiquette by Llewellyn Miller copyright 1967. This volume is very easy to read as it is written in alphabetical order. Let’s look at what Miss Miller advised when dealing with insults, be they intended or not. (Page 335 in this volume)

A famous definition of gentleman and lady is ‘One who never insults anyone unintentionally.’ To this can be added  ‘A lady or gentleman is one who never takes word, deed, or manner as an insult when none was intended.’ There is no complete remedy for either the calculated insult or one given under the hot impulse of anger. No matter how regretful or abject the apology, the memory of the insulting words remains. However, when an apology is offered it must be accepted. The acceptance can be stiff if the insult was deliberate. But if the insult was unintentional the only sensible thing to do, in sympathy for the embarrassment of the left-footed give, is to laugh and forget it.”

I agree with Miss Miller. It is certainly better to ignore such things as best as possible. I would even say if it is noted that this same person repeatedly acts in a boorish manner, I would more than likely only see this individual when absolutely necessary. Why subject yourself to more of the same?

Best “Insulting” Wishes,

The Lady Hooper-Brackett