Tag: etiquette

Rules for a Girl On Her Own, Vogue’s Book of Etiquette 1948

I was flipping through Vogue’s Book of Etiquette copyright 1948. This excerpt is from the section “A Girl On Her Own” subsection “Men” (page 39 in this edition)  This mentions the strictest behavior rules and here they are, in their retro glory with my thoughts in parentheses.

  1. Never dine alone with a married man, unless his wife is your great friend. (Good advice, but be wary)
  2. Never accept an invitation through a man to the house of someone else. (Never accept an invitation from anyone except the house’s owner, in my  opinion)
  3. If you have met a man and his wife together, and the man asks you to a party at his house, do not accept. His wife should invite you. If she is away, of course there is no discourtesy implied, and if he invites you to a party, you may accept. (I disagree with this, by the way. She would say no  under any circumstances)
  4. Never drink anything alcoholic, except sherry, or a glass of wine with dinner. (I would say a margarita is also fine. Just don’t get drunk.)
  5. Never encourage stories that are risque. (I agree to a point. A little double entrendre is ok.)
  6. Never allow a man to come into your apartment if you are alone in it, or to stay on when other guests have left. (In our modern times, this is somewhat passé , but there is nothing wrong with not asking for trouble with a man you have not known for very long.)
  7. Never go alone with a man to his apartment, or stay on his apartment when other guests have gone. (Again, passé, but I stand my assertion that you shouldn’t risk it with a man you do not know well.)
  8. Never go alone with a man to his hotel room, even if he has a sitting room. (Agreed.)
  9. Never accept a valuable present from a beau or possible beau. (I agree that a bad impression can be made to others.)

What is very clear from the advice in this section is that, at least in 1948, a woman had to be vigilant and guard her reputation. Times have changed, yes, and the rules are more relaxed, but there is certainly nothing wrong with being old-fashioned and caring about these impressions. I would even dare say that some of these sound guidelines should come back into fashion.

Best Vintage Wishes,

The Lady Hooper-Brackett

Using The Neighbors Recycling Bin

This question was an interesting one. I wonder how many people have dealt with this or just filled trash bags and called it a day!

Dear Lady Hooper-Brackett, 

I had about 80 people over for a party As you can imagine, we served beer, wine, and other adult beverages (we were responsible and had designated drivers) What I have to deal with now is the huge amount of empty cans and bottles that I need to put in the recycling bins. Can I put the extras in my neighbors recycling bins? Would this be proper?

Responsible Recycler

Dear Responsible Recycler,

I’m most pleased that you were a responsible host, also, and provided your guests with the gift of safety as you entertained them.

Now…on to the question of your neighbors’ bins. You ask if it would be proper….do you mean legally? I advise you to check with your local council.

Now…is it mannerly? Hmmm.

Perhaps your neighbor would not like to be seen by others as being someone who likes to imbibe. Your placement of the empty cans and bottles would certainly give judgmental neighbors something to talk about. I mean, dozens of bourbon bottles would get anyone talking!

The next problem that may arise is that your neighbor may run out of room for his own bottles and cans. This is certainly an imposition.

My advice is thus: Ask your neighbor if you may use the bin and if they say yes, place soda bottles or other non-alcoholic packaging in their bin. Save the booze bottles for your own bin.

Best Recycling Wishes,

The Lady Hooper-Brackett

Removing the Engagement Ring

One of the young people in the Hooper-Brackett clan was recently engaged and she came to the party ready to show off her beautiful new ring. I heartily approved of the good taste her fiance showed in choosing this particular ring. A problem arose, however, when the young couple wanted to join a game of baseball and the newly engaged young woman wished to remove her ring in order to do so. Her fiance was aghast and claimed to all and sundry that this was bad luck! The young people turned to me for advice. (How I sometimes feel like Solomon!)

Here are my thoughts on this matter:

To believe that removal of the engagement ring is bad luck is a quaint old mindset. To remove a large and expensive ring to protect it while playing sports, doing dishes, or even digging clams is an intelligent practice. The engagement is neither made nor broken by the wearing of the ring…the agreement of the person asked is what creates the engagement. The only time there should be concern over the removal of the ring from the finger is if it is thrown at the fiance and the words “It’s over” are spoken.

Best Ring Wishes,

The Lady Hooper-Brackett

Personal Questions

I had an interesting discussion with a friend on the subject of personal questions. She was amazed that her daughter-in-law actually answered when someone asked her age. I could sympathize with her surprise, but I also acknowledge that the younger generations are generally much more open about things than we ancients are. (I’m not really ancient…but I like to pretend to be of a different era.)

Even with these more open, free social customs, The Lady believes that the following examples fall into the category of personal questions:

-How much money do you make/have/plan to inherit?

-How much did this cost? How can you afford this?

-When are you going to have children/stop having more children/discipline the children you have?

-What exactly is wrong with your health?

-Why are you getting divorced?

-How much do you weigh? (Ha…you knew that one was going to make the list!)

-Did you have some work done? (Referring to plastic surgery, not work on the house or car)

-Is it real? (Whatever it is…a gemstone, bosom, derriere, hair, etc…)

In all things, discretion is your friend. No probing questions.

Best Manners Wishes,

The Lady Hooper-Brackett

A Banshee Roommate: Don’t Be One

I have an extensive collection of vintage etiquette books that I regularly peruse and consult. I wanted to share this little gem from the 1972 edition of Amy Vanderbilt’s Etiquette (Princess House edition…interestingly, Miss Vanderbilt was a special advisor to the company)

This is from the section The Agreeable Wife, page 624, where Miss Vanderbilt gives advice on being an attractive roommate (I chortle with glee every time I read this section of the book)

“I wonder how many wives could resist rising up in unholy protest if husbands suddenly took to wrapping their heads up in wire and head rags, greasing their faces, tying up their chins, putting on oiled mittens for the night. If a woman has her own room I suppose she can safely dedicate herself to the pursuit of beauty in her sleep, once she is alone. But if she shares her sleeping quarters, she is obliged to make herself an attractive roommate, not a banshee.”

Well. Times have changed, as I know no one who ties up their chin anymore or wears all kinds of hair curlers to bed (OUCH!) but I do think the advice is sound. We shouldn’t ‘let ourselves go’ and should strive to be as attractive as possible for our partners. This applies to both gentlemen and ladies.

Best Banshee Wishes,

The Lady Hooper-Brackett