Tag: etiquette

The Lady Goes Shopping

Cherished readers, I stepped out today to visit one of my favorite antique malls. This place is huge and has everything you could possibly want under one roof. I love to browse their large selection of books and have built my collection of vintage etiquette books from this one place. Today I was not disappointed.

IMG_0079

I found the 1945 edition of Emily Post’s Etiquette. Now, this is not the first copy of Emily Post that I own, but my other is a much newer edition. Part of why I enjoy collecting these volumes so much is that I am able to see snapshots of social mores and then compare them to other editions to see how much things have changed. I am positive that I will enjoy reading this and have even more fun sharing with you the nuggets of wisdom that I will glean from its pages. These old books are my textbooks!

So, while today is not a true blog about etiquette, I wanted to share with you my find. Back to the mannerly stuff tomorrow! I will find something from this book to touch upon for my next blog!

Best Shopping (and Reading!) Wishes,

The Lady Hooper-Brackett

Guest’s Guide To Gift Giving

As a tie-in to the previous post about setting the table for entertaining guests, let’s look at the nice custom of guests bringing the hostess a small gift as a thank you for putting on a wonderful get-together.

The guest need not spend a fortune or spend an inordinate amount of time searching for the perfect gift. These types of gifts, in my opinion, should be simple and useful.

Some items you may wish to consider when choosing a gift for your host:

A bottle of wine

A box of chocolates

A bouquet of flowers

Some lovely cocktail napkins

A box of pretty stationery

Non-perishable foodstuffs (jams, jellies, mustards etc..) in a gift box or set.

A beautiful coffee table book (I prefer photography or travel books)

Marble cheese cutter

If your host is an avid barbecuer, an apron or BBQ tool set

I’m fond of getting good deals on beautiful things so I suggest finding a sale at one of the better department stores on some of the items on the list and stocking upon these items to grab and go when you are asked over. I’ve found appropriate items that any host would be proud to display at Dillard’s and even TJ Maxx! 

Best Guest Gift Wishes,

The Lady Hooper-Brackett

The Polite Regifter : Cheap or Thoughtful?

I’ve received many items over the years that did not fit, that I’d already owned, or that did not blend with my taste. I also believe that you should only own that which you will like and use. I’ve been a regifter of items that just do not work for me. I have received many questions about regifting…the most frequent one is “Dear Lady, is this practice acceptable?”

At my very heart, I do not believe in waste. If you possess something that you do not like but you know someone else will like, then I say without reservation that it is acceptable, but like everything else, there are some guidelines. Let’s take a look.

You may certainly never regift anything that has been personalized with your name or initials. One supposes that you may even do this if the recipient has the same initials, though, so there is even an exception to this. Still, I believe that even if the same initial circumstance exists, it is better to keep such things.

If someone took the time to crochet an afghan for you, or to knit a scarf , keep it. I believe that out of respect you should not regift it. 

If you have used it, you should keep it. Imagine the horror at giving someone a vase that has obviously been used, or a candlestick with wax on it (horrors!) If you must get it out of the house, donate it to a charity.

If you have no recollection of who gave you an item, do not regift it. You may unwittingly regift it to the person who gave it to you. I am quite sure that this would be extremely awkward.

And should you regift, please make sure that there is no card or letter from the original donor in the box you use. That, my cherished readers, would be an extreme faux pas.

Best Gifty Wishes,

The Lady Hooper-Brackett

Guest Towels in the Bathroom: Are They Off Limits?

It is always an adventure to settle down with my cup of coffee in the morning and read through my emails to see what is concerning my darling friends. I came across this interesting problem regarding towels.

My friend went to a First Communion party at her niece’s house and when she used the bathroom facilities, was dumbstruck that her niece had only provided a small hand towel for the fifty or so guests that she had in her home. Her shock did not come from the fact that there was only one towel, however. The shock came from seeing others using the facilities and then discovering that the towel was perfectly dry…it had not been used! She found wet spots near the sink and the soap was wet, so hands seemed to be washed…so why not use the towel?

I can recall a time in my childhood when I was admonished by my dear mother to not use the ‘guest towels’ that were specially hung on a bar near the sink. So, I never used them. She had elevated them to sacred status in my impressionable mind. For years, even when using the facilities in other’s homes, I avoided touching the guest towels and wiped my hands on my pants! (Yes, I know…the horror of it!!!)

I believe that there can be a solution to this problem, however.

  1. Provide enough small washcloths for a couple of dozen to use. A beautiful stack right next to the sink. As the host, you use the first one…crumple it up, place it in a basket near the sink, and hope that this subtle message tells other guests…it is OK to use the towels! 
  2. Get a festive box of disposable paper towels and leave them near the sink. Perhaps guests do not want to feel that they are creating more laundry for the host, but will feel free to use paper towels.
  3. Leave no towel in the guest bath at all, after all no one is using it anyway. Watch as people leave the bathroom. You take a drink for every person who comes out with wipe marks on their pants (kidding!)

Best Clean Hand Wishes,

The Lady Hooper-Brackett

I Received an Invitation to a Wedding That I Don’t Wish to Attend; Do I Have to Send A Gift?

I feel and fear that it is inevitable that we shall all at some point be invited to celebrate the nuptial bliss of one or more couples for whom we frankly feel no enthusiasm. The conundrum is do we send a gift?

I would like to share that while the simple answer is that an invitation to a wedding ceremony does not obligate you to send any gift, should you be invited to a wedding reception, then you are expected to send a gift whether you attend or not. I know, it stinks and  I hear you protesting over this fact….however…the fact that you made the shortlist tells me that you have a good relationship with the sender or that you are close relations. It is sometimes better to just suck it up and attend, make the best of things, and be social. I advises you thusly:

You should attend a wedding, reception, and/or send a gift if:

-the bride, groom, or their respective parents attended your wedding.

-you are the child, cousin, sibling, aunt, uncle, grandparent, or parent of the bride or groom. 

-you work with the bride or groom and must see them on a daily basis.

-your mother tells you must attend. Listen to her…she knows.

Incidentally, a wedding announcement does not bestow an obligation to send a gift, though much the same as with an invitation to a ceremony, you may send a gift if you feel you have a good and friendly relationship with the sender of the announcement.

Best celebratory wishes,

The Lady Hooper-Brackett