Vintage Emily Post : Table Manners

Cherished readers, on of The Lady’s favorite pastimes is watching vintage and retro videos on YouTube. Today I am sharing a video from the Doyenne of  Etiquette, Emily Post. I cannot help but wish these types of educational film strips would regain popularity in the schools. I hope you enjoy!

Best Thursday Wishes,

The Lady Hooper-Brackett

 

 

A Most Unusual Thank You Note

I had attended two weddings some time ago, both couples are the children of family friends. I received thank you notes from both of the fine couples and I give them both high marks for their courtesy in sending the notes so promptly. However, one of the notes stuck out to me for all of the wrong reasons. Let’s take a look:

Lord Hooper-Brackett and I gifted this duo with a fine set of Waterford crystal goblets, which were listed in the bride’s registry.  I was pleased to purchase such a tasteful gift for these young people. This is the text of the thank you note I received:

Dear Lady Hooper-Brackett,

John and I would like to thank you for the beautiful goblets. I’m sorry to tell you that we received three other sets so we had to exchange your set for some dessert plates that we didn’t get. I wanted you to know so that if you come over for dinner, you will be proud to know that the dessert plates were from you and Lord Hooper-Brackett.

Thank you again and we look forward to seeing you both soon. 

Josephine

As you can see, the honesty of the note is quite apparent, as well as the newlywed’s need to have some etiquette lessons. But I shall be magnanimous and make some allowances for her forthright rudeness. I will also avoid advising her that all she needed to do was go ahead and exchange the goblets without letting me know. I would have assumed the set that she displayed on her table was the one I had given her. No harm done and everyone wins. Instead….she became a lesson in what not to do.

Best Courteous Wishes,

The Lady Hooper-Brackett

A Banshee Roommate: Don’t Be One

I have an extensive collection of vintage etiquette books that I regularly peruse and consult. I wanted to share this little gem from the 1972 edition of Amy Vanderbilt’s Etiquette (Princess House edition…interestingly, Miss Vanderbilt was a special advisor to the company)

This is from the section The Agreeable Wife, page 624, where Miss Vanderbilt gives advice on being an attractive roommate (I chortle with glee every time I read this section of the book)

“I wonder how many wives could resist rising up in unholy protest if husbands suddenly took to wrapping their heads up in wire and head rags, greasing their faces, tying up their chins, putting on oiled mittens for the night. If a woman has her own room I suppose she can safely dedicate herself to the pursuit of beauty in her sleep, once she is alone. But if she shares her sleeping quarters, she is obliged to make herself an attractive roommate, not a banshee.”

Well. Times have changed, as I know no one who ties up their chin anymore or wears all kinds of hair curlers to bed (OUCH!) but I do think the advice is sound. We shouldn’t ‘let ourselves go’ and should strive to be as attractive as possible for our partners. This applies to both gentlemen and ladies.

Best Banshee Wishes,

The Lady Hooper-Brackett

A Question of Asparagus

Here is an unusual bit of email that I received from a reader regarding a veggie.

Dear Lady Hooper-Brackett, 

I am a busy mom with three young sons. I have tried to teach them correct table manners. During our weekly Try-A-New-Food night meal, I served asparagus to them for the first time. I had instructed them that they could eat the asparagus spears with their fingers, but my husband told me that he felt this wasn’t correct. Do you know?

Signed,

Trying My Best 

Dear Trying My Best,

You ask if I know the answer and I humbly say….why, yes, I do.

You may use the side of your fork to gently cut the soft part of the asparagus spear, impale it on the fork, and then convey it to your mouth. This method is preferred in most conservative circles, especially if the asparagus is quite soft and has been covered in some type of sauce.

If, however, the stalks are firm with the sauce only applied to the tops, you may properly pick the spears up with your fingers and eat the soft edible part down to the tough part of the spear. You would then neatly place the devoured stalks on the side of your plate.

You did not reveal how you served this noble vegetable to your family, so I cannot say whether or not your husband was wrong in correcting you. I do commend you most effusively for introducing your sons to new foods. I am sure they are on their way to being cultured gentlemen.

Best Mealtime Wishes,

The Lady Hooper-Brackett

Conversational Faults To Avoid

I speak to many people in the course of the week from business meetings to social events. The best conversationalists have great poise and self-assurance and remember that conversation is a two-way street.  I have compiled a list of faults that one should avoid in seeking to make interesting and pertinent conversation:

Repeating the same story over and over is irritating and implies that one thinks their listeners are not paying attention or that the listeners lack intelligence.

Unkindness or unpleasantness are never appropriate. It is never appropriate to speak ill of those not present.

The conceited person thinks he is most interesting and that everyone wishes to know his opinion on a myriad of topics. I believe correcting others falls into the category of conceit as well as long-winded pomposity. Unfortunately, every event has one such person as this.

The self-pitier and the woe-is-me doom-and-gloomer.  I’ve always said that when someone asks “How are you?” they do not want to hear a litany of problems ranging from having gout, to having financial problems, to the kids performing poorly in school. Private problems should only be discussed with close family or friends. The only proper answer to “How are you?” is “GREAT!”

Words and phrases that add nothing to the conversation. I include “You know” “I mean” “Listen” “Like” and others.

Name dropping….adds nothing to a conversation. I am doubtful people even know those whose names are bandied about freely in regular conversation. No one cares who you might know.

Evil gossip….it is never well-mannered to spew hurtful rumors or comments (even if true!) The best rule is to only say pleasant things. None of this “If you don’t have anything nice to say, come sit next to me.”

Best Conversational Wishes,

The Lady Hooper-Brackett