Category: Entertaining and Guests

Dealing With Overly Friendly Pets

The Hooper-Bracketts are definitely dog people. I love my little mixed-breed rescue dog (sometimes more than I like people!) This question comes from someone who doesn’t particularly like pets.

Dear Lady Hooper-Brackett, 

Full disclosure: I think most pets are smelly creatures and can’t stand when I am visiting a friend’s house and I am bombarded with attention from their pets. How can I politely let my friend or the host know that I do not like to be around their pets? 

Not Pet Friendly

Dear Not Pet Friendly,

I can assure you that not all pets are smelly creatures. With that being said, I believe that the most polite way to explain why a pet cannot be around you is to simply say, “I’m so sorry, but I am allergic to your (insert animal type).” A good host should immediately remove their animal companion so as not to cause the guest undue discomfort. I am also sure that the pet will also be thankful to be removed from your presence since you object to them so strongly.

Best Pet Wishes,

The Lady Hooper-Brackett

How Much Food To Serve

I’ve found that I’ve been  asked this question in one form or another several times. Here is one version that I think accurately reflects the worries that some folks have about entertaining.

Dear Lady Hooper-Brackett

My son is being married at his fiancee’s church, which happens to be in New York City. We live in Boston as do many of our friends and family who are invited to the wedding and reception. We will all be carpooling or taking the train to NYC (which you can imagine is costing the group of 48 both time and money) The bride and her family have decided to serve only “light refreshments” at the reception. And by light she means tea-time finger sandwiches, champagne, and small dainty desserts in addition to the wedding cake. Am I wrong to feel that they should serve something a little more substantial? Especially with the groom’s family numbering so many and traveling such a distance. I’ve offered to contribute and they politely refuse.

Starving Mother of The Groom

Dear Starving Mother of The Groom

First I will say what you want me to say: HOW AWFUL! They should be ashamed at serving such meager cuisine.

Now I will say this:

Traditionally, the bride’s family hosts the reception and provides the apres-nuptial bounty. In our modern times, there seems to be more cost-splitting going on, but this is the traditional role that the bride and her family play. Basically, what they are serving is perfectly acceptable. Even if they would choose to serve only the wedding cake and punch or champagne, that is entirely correct.

NOW, with that being said…as you have been rebuffed in your efforts to contribute to the food kitty, I advise this:

Since all of the starving Bostonians are traveling together anyway, after the wedding reception, find a restaurant in the city where you can play hostess, pay for the cornucopia of vittles, and eat as much as you like. Your relatives will have full tummies and can travel home in comfort.

Best Wedding Wishes

The Lady Hooper-Brackett

The Impeccable Host: Entertaining With Grace

Many of my friends are stressed by entertaining, but it really is simple if you want to be known as being the host with flair and grace.

The Host(ess) with the Most(est) According to the Lady Hooper-Brackett

Your smiling face should be the first thing a guest sees when they enter your home. Greet everyone warmly and promptly.

Have a serving table nearby where arrivals can take a prefilled cocktail or glass of wine and a little morsel to eat.

Be prepared if someone hands you a hostess gift. Decorate a small table and use it for the purpose of placing the gifts.

Take coats and wraps from your guests, place them in a closet or in the bedroom. At no times should a pile of coats be visible to arriving guests.

Be sure to introduce those who are arriving to those guests who are already there and make sure that all guests are making conversation and enjoying themselves. It is also your responsibility to diffuse hot topics and turn them to acceptable topics. See my earlier post on DANGER Topics.

Keep an eye on the refreshments, making sure there is enough out for everyone.

If you are serving a seated meal with several courses, place cards are a wonderful touch that can double as a small token for attendees to take home.

Relax and enjoy the evening! Remember you set the tone for your guests.

It is my hope that you will be the ultimate example of graciousness and ease when you welcome your own cherished friends to your abode.

Best Hostess Wishes,

The Lady Hooper-Brackett

The Etiquette of Leftovers

With an increased interest in economy and saving money, more people are using all of their leftovers. But this question involves serving them at a social gathering.

Dear Lady Hooper-Brackett, 

For the past six years on the day after Thanksgiving, my sister-in-law has a party at her home. She feels that since we are all not together on the holiday proper, it can be a ‘second-edition’ Thanksgiving for us. She extends invitations to about a dozen of us in the family. My question is this: Is it really  acceptable for her to heat up her Thanksgiving leftovers and serve these items to us as she has been doing? Don’t get me wrong, her cooking is wonderful, but I can’t help but feel that it is a little rude to be served leftover food.  Who is correct here?

I Don’t Like Leftovers

Dear I Don’t Like Leftovers,

I admit that I have never been asked this question before, so some time was needed to come up with a thoughtful answer.

  1. I believe that since she is very upfront about this being a ‘second-edition’ Thanksgiving and is inviting family only, this is perfectly fine. I wonder just what else you would be eating on the day after Thanksgiving if you weren’t eating turkey and all the fixings?
  2. Your sister-in-law is being gracious by providing a venue for you all to be together after not spending the holiday itself together. Her invitation is sent from affection.
  3. What’s wrong with eating food that is wonderfully cooked?
  4. I’m pleased to see that she will not be discarding perfectly good food, but sharing it with you all.

The one caveat to this that I will add: It never seems proper to serve leftovers in any other circumstance than this one: Invite family or extremely close friends only and be upfront.

Try to be gracious yourself, even if you do not like leftovers.

Best Leftover Wishes,

The Lady Hooper-Brackett

New Year’s Diss: Why Did They Leave at 12:01?

Ahh yes, the disappointment when guests hightail it after the big moment passes! Can you relate?

Dear Lady Hooper-Brackett, 

I hosted our annual New Year’s party. My husband and I invited about 40 people to celebrate with us and we had the usual food and beverages available. It took a lot of work, preparation, and planning to get things set up. The party started at 7 PM and things seemed to be going well. All of the guests arrived by 830 and we had a lively time. At 1130 we started to watch the festivities in New York and anticipated the ball drop. After much to-do and the countdown and obligatory toast to the New Year…three quarters of my guests decided to leave. The time was 12:01AM! Barely a minute past midnight!!! I am quite offended but am not sure that I should be. My husband says that it was a long evening for everyone and some of our guests needed to work today, but I cannot help but feel that it is rude to up and leave so close to midnight. May I have your thoughts? 

Ringing In The New Year With Aggravation

Dear Ringing,

I understand your pain. I also understand the pain of those who must work or those who a bit of age on them. My mother would often entertain on New Year’s (back in the Dark Ages known as the 80s) and would have a party much as you just described. As most of the people attending the party were older folks (by older I mean in their 70s and 80s) it was often the case that once the ball dropped, the champagne glasses were drained, and New Year kisses were shared, these people had their coats on and were headed for the door! My mother (indeed no one) ever complained because the family had spent an enjoyable evening in their company. I beg you not to feel offended. There was nothing ill-mannered in their behavior. In fact, why not begin the New Year by extending the benefit of the doubt and being happy that you were able to share the end of one year and the start of the next in good company.

Best New Year Wishes,

The Lady Hooper-Brackett