Tag: etiquette

The Impeccable Host: Entertaining With Grace

Many of my friends are stressed by entertaining, but it really is simple if you want to be known as being the host with flair and grace.

The Host(ess) with the Most(est) According to the Lady Hooper-Brackett

Your smiling face should be the first thing a guest sees when they enter your home. Greet everyone warmly and promptly.

Have a serving table nearby where arrivals can take a prefilled cocktail or glass of wine and a little morsel to eat.

Be prepared if someone hands you a hostess gift. Decorate a small table and use it for the purpose of placing the gifts.

Take coats and wraps from your guests, place them in a closet or in the bedroom. At no times should a pile of coats be visible to arriving guests.

Be sure to introduce those who are arriving to those guests who are already there and make sure that all guests are making conversation and enjoying themselves. It is also your responsibility to diffuse hot topics and turn them to acceptable topics. See my earlier post on DANGER Topics.

Keep an eye on the refreshments, making sure there is enough out for everyone.

If you are serving a seated meal with several courses, place cards are a wonderful touch that can double as a small token for attendees to take home.

Relax and enjoy the evening! Remember you set the tone for your guests.

It is my hope that you will be the ultimate example of graciousness and ease when you welcome your own cherished friends to your abode.

Best Hostess Wishes,

The Lady Hooper-Brackett

When They Won’t Stop Calling

During a lunch with some friends, one mentioned that she is in the midst of dealing with a relative who repeatedly calls her at all hours of the day and night to moan, groan, and complain about her problems. She rarely asks after my friend. Her cup of patience is almost empty. She turned to me for guidance and I told her I needed to think about things.  I believe that these types of situations might be common, so after discussing with my friend, she agreed I could share my insights with you. Below you will find what I advised her. Name changed to protect the innocent.

Dear Dorcas, 

I pondered your situation on the drive home and the first thing that I would like to remind you of is the fact that your phone, be it your landline or cell, is for your convenience only and not for anyone else’s. You are entirely within your rights to only answer the phone when it is convenient for you. I know that you felt guilty letting it go to voice mail so often, but there is absolutely nothing wrong with that. 

I am very dismayed that this person only seeks out your listening ear to vent and spew complaints and never asks how you are. 

BUT, and it is a big BUT, if you are the only person who listens to her, perhaps there may be an emotional problem that she is suffering from and your being there for her is helping her. Because she is family, I would not cut ties with her; but I would be very honest with her and inform her that because you and your family are very busy there must be a set time when you will take calls. Give her one or two times during the week that you will speak to her and explain that if she calls out of those times, you will not be answering. If there is an emergency, she may text or email. You must control the situation while being loving and considerate. 

I feel that one can set boundaries and still be a good friend and we lose nothing by extending these courtesies. In fact, you may find you regain your sanity when dealing with her. 

Best Telephone Wishes,

The Lady Hooper-Brackett

Welcome from the Lady

Your Welcome Letter

Welcome, cherished friends and readers. It is my pleasure to play hostess to you as we explore the world of good manners. Please do make yourselves at home.

In the busy, sometimes impersonal world that we live in, there is a true need for etiquette and manners. And before you say, “But my dear Lady, surely nothing as old-fashioned as etiquette is relevant any more,” let me say that knowing what to do in common situations is one of the greatest skills that you can develop. The charm, poise, and self-esteem that comes from having a good grasp of the social niceties are invaluable assets. More than ever (as more people look at their phones rather than looking at people) those with the polish that good manners provides will find that they have increased opportunities. People still matter even in this technology-driven world.

I extend to you a permanent engraved invitation to check back often as we cover a variety of subjects. I look forward to your acquaintance.

With Best Wishes,

The Lady Hooper-Brackett

Politics, Holidays, and Family

I enjoy holidays for the family togetherness and of course, the opportunity to show off a properly set table! But just what if the table will be filled with those on opposite sides of the political spectrum? Let us examine…

Dear Lady Hooper-Brackett, 

I am a 53 year old woman who is beyond the point of tolerance for my family members. Maybe it’s my age, but I have no patience, time, or inclination to deal with people who are letting their opposing political views get in the way of my Thanksgiving celebration. My darling cherub children and their cousins are pretty much guaranteeing a big family feud as we carve the turkey. I have seen with my own eyes the posts on social media. I find this whole thing absurd and feel caught in the middle. What can I do? I told my husband I am ready to cancel the whole thing and go eat my Thanksgiving meal in peace at Golden Corral. 

Pissed Off Mother of 4

Dear Pissed Off Mother of 4,

Firstly, I would like to point out that this is the precise reason that politics is on the No-No Topic list for polite conversation!

Second, while I dn’t have a problem with Golden Corral, I’m unsure that you will be satisfied entrusting your Thanksgiving enjoyment to this place on what will probably be the most crowded day of the year.

Third, I remind you that the gathering will be at your home and YOU make the rules. If this animosity if being broadcast across social media, you have every right to send an email or make a call informing the warring factions that they are to leave their political squabbling at the door and not bring it inside. That is NOT what a family meal is for. And as you mention cousins will be coming to your home, I would include their parents (you or your husband’s siblings) on the email or calls. MAKE IT VERY CLEAR (in a mannerly way, of course) that this is a non-negotiable house rule. For example:

“Dear Children and Dear Nieces and Nephews, I am looking forward to seeing all of you on Thanksgiving and enjoying much-anticipated family time. I request that we use this day to celebrate family and gratitude and not use it to squabble over politics, religion, or any other divisive topic. I want to hear all about YOU, your families, jobs, and achievements. I love you all and I know that you will respect my wishes as you come to my home. I would be very disappointed to not continue our family tradition due to this matter. We will be family longer than any one political person will be the in office. Love, Your Pissed Off Mother and Aunt”

I am quite frankly tired of the political climate, which is why I frequently watches re-runs of Designing Women and The Golden Girls and has fond memories of the 80s and the Reagans. (Am I showing my age?)

Please write back after Thanksgiving with an update.

Best Thanksgiving Wishes,

The Lady Hooper-Brackett

Football Fracas

Do you host football or other sports parties? Have you had ever had an unruly guest? I feel that this just might be a situation that is quite common.

Dear Lady Hooper-Brackett,

Please give me the best advice you can on what to do about my cousin. She comes over every Sunday to watch football (we have about 20 people here each week as we enjoy watching the games). She is fine at first, but boy, once she has her fourth beer in her, she becomes a belligerent jerk. She thinks she is being funny with people, she picks on people, but she calls it ‘busting chops’; she is really rude and crass. She is hurting the feelings of everyone who come here. My problem is, I am completely a non-confrontational person. The thought of dis-inviting her is keeping me up at night. What do I do? 

Stressed Hostess

Dear Stressed Hostess,

I certainly don’t advise speaking to her about this while she well into her cups. I shudder to think what would happen. I must admit that I cannot understand those types of people who feel the need to ‘bust chops’ as you said. How does it contribute to a pleasant gathering if you pick on others?

When she is sober, talk to her about her behavior. If you are still scared to do this and it  still gives you insomnia…omit liquor from the Sunday get-togethers completely and see if  the same thing happens. If she is no longer jerky, then fine…all is well. But if she is still rude, I fear you must tell her that she is no longer welcome.

No guest has the right to behave in the manner you described. She is showing disrespect to you, your home, and your other guests.

The Lady Hooper-Brackett