A Very Happy New Year!

Hello, dear readers, 

I’m not going to go into a long explanation as to my absence. I was gone. You noticed. I apologize. 

Now that that is out of the way, let’s move forward in 2023! 

Welcome back to our look at manners and the sundry ways people are annoying! Here is our first question for the New Year.

Dear Lady Hooper Brackett,

Once again my coworkers roped me into the office gifting pool, despite my repeated requests not to! I know, I could have better boundaries, but they made me feel bad. I am a thoughtful gift giver, but the absolute garbage they gave me pisses me off. Most of it is ending up in a donation pile to Goodwill. Am I wrong to feel slighted? Should I say something?

-Expert Gift Giver

Dear Expert Gift Giver,

While you have my sympathies, this is, as they say, how the cookie crumbles. Some people are not good at gift giving. Some people are on a budget and that ‘garbage’ might be the only thing they can afford. It is never in good taste to complain about gifts. 

As an aside, I detest forced gift giving and forced office parties. While it may add somewhat to the joy of the season (or as the case usually is…just gives people time away from their desks during a workday) I find this type of thing tiresome. Genuine friends should exchange gifts, but no one should be forced to participate. 

My only advice is to be gracious, don’t complain, donate the items, and refuse to take part next year and use budget concerns as your excuse. Be strong. 

Best New Year Wishes,

The Lady Hooper-Brackett

Gracefully Declining When Someone Invites Themselves Along

Here’s a situation that I hear about quite a bit, though usually it is a friend or family member inviting themselves along. A coworker needs to be handled delicately.

Dear Lady Hooper-Brackett, 

I have a business acquaintance who continually hints to me that she would like to travel with me one day. Whenever I mention that I am going somewhere she starts with the broad hints. “We should travel together. I also like going to ‘xyz’.” I continue to say nothing and ignore her each time. I would think that she would get the hint that I do not wish to travel with her. She is an extremely high-maintenance individual. Last year our company sent us to St. Louis for a week and while everyone else packed all they needed in carry on bags, she packed a huge checked suitcase along with her two carry ons. She is petulant and has a fit if she doesn’t get her way or things do not go as expected at work. The thought of being trapped in a room or a plane with her makes me cringe. How do I handle her pushiness?

Scared of Offending a Colleague

Dear Scared of Offending a Colleague,

Oh my dear, I offer these thoughts as response to your email.

  1. Do you goad this woman into thinking you would be open to traveling with her?
  2. Why do you continue to share your travel plans with her? Is it to show off?
  3. Have you considered that she is lonely and looking for a friend? I am not dismissing your very valid feelings about traveling with her personally. I obviously know nothing about either of you, but generally difficult people become so from insecurity. Perhaps she wasn’t sure about her wardrobe choices being appropriate which is why she packed so much to take with her on your joint business trip.
  4. Might you ‘day trip’ to local places of interest? This would give you both the opportunity to see a new place without the time or space commitment of being in a hotel room.

The bottom line is be kind. One never knows what struggles another has. And keeping peace at work is an important goal.

Best Peaceful Wishes,

The Lady Hooper-Brackett

New Year’s Diss: Why Did They Leave at 12:01?

Ahh yes, the disappointment when guests hightail it after the big moment passes! Can you relate?

Dear Lady Hooper-Brackett, 

I hosted our annual New Year’s party. My husband and I invited about 40 people to celebrate with us and we had the usual food and beverages available. It took a lot of work, preparation, and planning to get things set up. The party started at 7 PM and things seemed to be going well. All of the guests arrived by 830 and we had a lively time. At 1130 we started to watch the festivities in New York and anticipated the ball drop. After much to-do and the countdown and obligatory toast to the New Year…three quarters of my guests decided to leave. The time was 12:01AM! Barely a minute past midnight!!! I am quite offended but am not sure that I should be. My husband says that it was a long evening for everyone and some of our guests needed to work today, but I cannot help but feel that it is rude to up and leave so close to midnight. May I have your thoughts? 

Ringing In The New Year With Aggravation

Dear Ringing,

I understand your pain. I also understand the pain of those who must work or those who a bit of age on them. My mother would often entertain on New Year’s (back in the Dark Ages known as the 80s) and would have a party much as you just described. As most of the people attending the party were older folks (by older I mean in their 70s and 80s) it was often the case that once the ball dropped, the champagne glasses were drained, and New Year kisses were shared, these people had their coats on and were headed for the door! My mother (indeed no one) ever complained because the family had spent an enjoyable evening in their company. I beg you not to feel offended. There was nothing ill-mannered in their behavior. In fact, why not begin the New Year by extending the benefit of the doubt and being happy that you were able to share the end of one year and the start of the next in good company.

Best New Year Wishes,

The Lady Hooper-Brackett

Politics, Holidays, and Family

I enjoy holidays for the family togetherness and of course, the opportunity to show off a properly set table! But just what if the table will be filled with those on opposite sides of the political spectrum? Let us examine…

Dear Lady Hooper-Brackett, 

I am a 53 year old woman who is beyond the point of tolerance for my family members. Maybe it’s my age, but I have no patience, time, or inclination to deal with people who are letting their opposing political views get in the way of my Thanksgiving celebration. My darling cherub children and their cousins are pretty much guaranteeing a big family feud as we carve the turkey. I have seen with my own eyes the posts on social media. I find this whole thing absurd and feel caught in the middle. What can I do? I told my husband I am ready to cancel the whole thing and go eat my Thanksgiving meal in peace at Golden Corral. 

Pissed Off Mother of 4

Dear Pissed Off Mother of 4,

Firstly, I would like to point out that this is the precise reason that politics is on the No-No Topic list for polite conversation!

Second, while I dn’t have a problem with Golden Corral, I’m unsure that you will be satisfied entrusting your Thanksgiving enjoyment to this place on what will probably be the most crowded day of the year.

Third, I remind you that the gathering will be at your home and YOU make the rules. If this animosity if being broadcast across social media, you have every right to send an email or make a call informing the warring factions that they are to leave their political squabbling at the door and not bring it inside. That is NOT what a family meal is for. And as you mention cousins will be coming to your home, I would include their parents (you or your husband’s siblings) on the email or calls. MAKE IT VERY CLEAR (in a mannerly way, of course) that this is a non-negotiable house rule. For example:

“Dear Children and Dear Nieces and Nephews, I am looking forward to seeing all of you on Thanksgiving and enjoying much-anticipated family time. I request that we use this day to celebrate family and gratitude and not use it to squabble over politics, religion, or any other divisive topic. I want to hear all about YOU, your families, jobs, and achievements. I love you all and I know that you will respect my wishes as you come to my home. I would be very disappointed to not continue our family tradition due to this matter. We will be family longer than any one political person will be the in office. Love, Your Pissed Off Mother and Aunt”

I am quite frankly tired of the political climate, which is why I frequently watches re-runs of Designing Women and The Golden Girls and has fond memories of the 80s and the Reagans. (Am I showing my age?)

Please write back after Thanksgiving with an update.

Best Thanksgiving Wishes,

The Lady Hooper-Brackett