The Lady’s Guide To Basic Letter Writing

Mail time at The Hooper-Brackett estate is one of my favorite times of the day. It is when I can hope that there will be a bona-fide, handwritten letter from a cultured and thoughtful friend. Ahhh the joy of seeing pen to paper, rather than the electronic typing of an email. I understand that email and digital communications are necessary, but there are times that a handwritten letter is a must! I will discuss greeting cards in another post.

I will not be covering different types of letters in today’s entry, merely going over the supplies and accoutrements that you should have when sitting down to pen a letter.

  1. Use real, honest-to-goodness paper. Not a torn out notebook sheet or recycled envelopes (horrors!)
  2. Make sure the paper is of the best quality that you can afford and be sure it is of a conservative color. Gray, Ecru, White, or a Light Blue are all acceptable. Remember, letter-writing is for all occasions. You may be writing a condolence letter and certainly do not want to only have on hand a red or other festive paper. Also, if you are penning business correspondence, conservative is the way to go.
  3. If you choose to personalize your paper, please omit any cutesy designs or emojis and choose a conservative font.
  4. The pen and ink you use matters! I am fond of rollerball pens with black or blue ink.
  5. Beautiful stamps are the finishing touch to the correspondence. If the post office does a series on flowers, these are wonderful for all letters. As much as I appreciate cartoons and commemorative TV show stamps (a la Star Trek etc..) these are not truly appropriate.
  6. Preprinted labels are fine for mailing a bill payment, but handwriting your return address is best on all social correspondence or invitations. Incidentally, clear seals are acceptable to seal an ungummed envelope, but avoid childlike stickers.
  7. Please, for the love of all that is neat and sweet, DO NOT load glitter, sequins, confetti or anything that will drop out of the envelope and make a mess when the person opens the envelope. In once had to clean up an explosion of glitter and I swear two years later I still see the shiny specs in the carpet despite daily vacuuming.
  8. Try to cultivate a neat handwriting. I am from the Dark Ages when the Palmer Method was taught in school under the stern, perfectionistic gaze of the nuns at my Catholic school. I developed my penmanship slowly. Incidentally, I believe that ALL schools should teach this lost art once more. It adds polish.
  9. A good writing desk is a must with all the aforementioned tools within arm’s reach.

And there you have it. Let there be more thoughtful letter writing and less emailing going forward!!!

Best Letter Wishes,

The Lady Hooper-Brackett

The Art of the Breakup: Is “Ghosting” Mannerly?

As a follow up to the similar manners problem that my friend’s daughter wrote to me about, it came to my attention that my friend’s daughter did indeed end things with her fiance. She did it in an odd way, what I have heard younger people refer to as “ghosting.” Being a Gen Xer of a curious mind, I googled this “ghosting” procedure.

I learned much as I researched, but the fact is this ghosting is nothing new. This technique has been around for ages. I read many opinions from people who think that ghosting is cowardly, but I must say that I cannot find anything that would smack of poor manners. To the contrary, I believe that ghosting just might be the easiest sort of breakup there could be.

Let’s face it, if you were on the receiving end of a relationship coup de grace, isn’t it easier to have your beloved stop answering the phone and fade away in your memory rather than have them tell you outright that they can’t stand you anymore? Isn’t the illusion that is left when they ghost easier to take than being told that you are the most boring person they’ve ever known? Think about it…when the ghosting is done, you can continue to think about the good times and smile. A face to face breakup will only shake your confidence and make you second guess everything you think is so great about yourself.

So yes, I am in favor of the exit that makes little fuss, creates little stir, and still maintains the self-esteem of the one who is left.

Best Ghostly Wishes,

The Lady Hooper-Brackett

The Impeccable Host: Entertaining With Grace

Many of my friends are stressed by entertaining, but it really is simple if you want to be known as being the host with flair and grace.

The Host(ess) with the Most(est) According to the Lady Hooper-Brackett

Your smiling face should be the first thing a guest sees when they enter your home. Greet everyone warmly and promptly.

Have a serving table nearby where arrivals can take a prefilled cocktail or glass of wine and a little morsel to eat.

Be prepared if someone hands you a hostess gift. Decorate a small table and use it for the purpose of placing the gifts.

Take coats and wraps from your guests, place them in a closet or in the bedroom. At no times should a pile of coats be visible to arriving guests.

Be sure to introduce those who are arriving to those guests who are already there and make sure that all guests are making conversation and enjoying themselves. It is also your responsibility to diffuse hot topics and turn them to acceptable topics. See my earlier post on DANGER Topics.

Keep an eye on the refreshments, making sure there is enough out for everyone.

If you are serving a seated meal with several courses, place cards are a wonderful touch that can double as a small token for attendees to take home.

Relax and enjoy the evening! Remember you set the tone for your guests.

It is my hope that you will be the ultimate example of graciousness and ease when you welcome your own cherished friends to your abode.

Best Hostess Wishes,

The Lady Hooper-Brackett

When They Won’t Stop Calling

During a lunch with some friends, one mentioned that she is in the midst of dealing with a relative who repeatedly calls her at all hours of the day and night to moan, groan, and complain about her problems. She rarely asks after my friend. Her cup of patience is almost empty. She turned to me for guidance and I told her I needed to think about things.  I believe that these types of situations might be common, so after discussing with my friend, she agreed I could share my insights with you. Below you will find what I advised her. Name changed to protect the innocent.

Dear Dorcas, 

I pondered your situation on the drive home and the first thing that I would like to remind you of is the fact that your phone, be it your landline or cell, is for your convenience only and not for anyone else’s. You are entirely within your rights to only answer the phone when it is convenient for you. I know that you felt guilty letting it go to voice mail so often, but there is absolutely nothing wrong with that. 

I am very dismayed that this person only seeks out your listening ear to vent and spew complaints and never asks how you are. 

BUT, and it is a big BUT, if you are the only person who listens to her, perhaps there may be an emotional problem that she is suffering from and your being there for her is helping her. Because she is family, I would not cut ties with her; but I would be very honest with her and inform her that because you and your family are very busy there must be a set time when you will take calls. Give her one or two times during the week that you will speak to her and explain that if she calls out of those times, you will not be answering. If there is an emergency, she may text or email. You must control the situation while being loving and considerate. 

I feel that one can set boundaries and still be a good friend and we lose nothing by extending these courtesies. In fact, you may find you regain your sanity when dealing with her. 

Best Telephone Wishes,

The Lady Hooper-Brackett

Culling The Christmas Card List

It happens every year! The subject of the etiquette of culling the Christmas Card list. Specifically,  the protocol to choosing who gets the boot.

Well, of course there is a protocol (in my humble opinion)

When I was growing up, I often heard my grandmother and mother say that the best way to reduce the number of names on the Christmas Card list was to keep track of who you sent cards to  the year before and if they did not sent one back, they were stricken from the list and blackballed from holiday greetings. This has been the technique that I’ve used in my adult life. I remember one fine Yuletide when I had mailed out 121 holiday greetings only to receive 28 back. Needless to say, that year was a huge cull!

“But, dear Lady, ” you may ask, “what if I strike someone from my list who will be offended?” If they send you a card, send one to them. But, it has become increasingly more obvious that people WANT to cut down on their lists. So they will probably not be offended.

Best Card Sending Wishes,

The Lady Hooper-Brackett