Why The Approach Was Wrong

Here is a follow up to the last scenario as I was asked about my concerns about the way Mr. Old High School Crush had approached the seeker of advice. I received two emails asking me to please follow up. Here are my thoughts, for your eager consumption.

I took exception to:

  1.  Him staring at someone across the room repeatedly and so conspicuously that they noticed.
  2. Him approaching the table and asking the lady if she recognized him. Why not say, “Hello, I am Mr. SoAndSo, I believe we went to high school together and wanted to say hello.” Doesn’t that sound better than “Don’t you recognize me?” and putting the innocent party on the spot?
  3. Him standing over a seated person. If an empty chair was at the table, he would have done well to ask permission to be seated. By remaining standing, he called attention to himself and the table.
  4. Him revealing a lady’s age in public by announcing to all gathered what year she graduated from high school. (Oh, the horror!)

Am I being nitpicky in this situation? I don’t believe so. Certainly, having a bit more polish would have been more of a credit to this man. And if he remembered the basic tenets of Putting Others At Ease and Never Calling Attention To Oneself he would have come out smelling like a rose! However, I suppose in his enthusiasm for seeing his old school chum, he forgot and according to the letter, no harm was done. In this case, I will give him the benefit of the doubt. After all, ignoring innocent social flubs should be part of our own code of etiquette.

Best Mannerly Wishes,

The Lady Hooper-Brackett

Complimenting a Drastic Change In Appearance

I had a meeting with someone that I’ve been doing business with for years. I have seen this person once per year for the last decade. Imagine my surprise when I noticed a huge change in this person’s appearance! Not only did he lose a considerable amount of weight, but he also got rid of his glasses and stopped wearing his toupee. The result? He looks years younger!

I wanted to praise the improvements, but my conundrum was twofold. How do I comment on these changes without seeming shocked? How do I comment without seeming as though his former appearance was unattractive? I had to choose my words wisely.

I decided to be cautious and not specifically mention any one of the changes he had made. I smiled and said sweetly, “My dear fellow, how nice to see you looking so wonderful!” This afforded him the opportunity to talk about his changes himself, without putting him on the spot (and talk he did! He was rightly proud of his weight loss!) Win-win….he didn’t feel put on the spot and I was able to bring a spot of joy to his day!

Remember: Make everyone feel important!

Best Happy Wishes!

The Lady Hooper-Brackett

The Lady’s Thoughts On Her Travel Experience

Travel annoyances are, alas, a universal occurrence in our present age, especially when traveling by air. I try to be an easy-going traveler as we are jammed into the Aluminum Tube and we must make do in a small space with hardly any leg room. In those circumstances, we are all suffering and I realize we cannot all be at our best. However as I observed and shared space with my fellow travelers yesterday, it was clear that it was to be a lesson in poor manners, indeed. At the very least it is a lesson in complete unawareness of those around you. 

Let’s begin with the security lines, which is not really etiquette related, but things that have become my peeves!

When I travel I dress for comfort, but I always wear proper shoes that are stable and cover the foot. I also always wear socks. I believe that going barefoot through the security line is a bad idea. To me, it is not simply a matter of aesthetics (many people have unattractive feet!) but, my biggest concern is how many other barefoot people have stood upon the footprints in the screening machine?

I believe that wearing crazy high heeled shoes and flip flops are a bad idea. If there is an emergency during which you will need to vacate the plane quickly, these shoes offer no protection or stability. They are a trip hazard and you may prevent others from exiting quickly in an emergency.

Standing where the carryon luggage comes out of the X-ray machine on the conveyor belt and putting on your shoes, jacket, arranging yourself etc…impedes the flow of the security line and holds everyone up. Every airport that I am in has benches a few feet from the conveyor belts. Grab your stuff and arrange yourself there.

Rant over.

Best Travel Wishes,

The Lady Hooper-Brackett

A Bit of Advice from Emily Post: The Uncomfortable Houseguest

Cherished readers, The Lady Hooper-Brackett is happily perusing the new volume of etiquette wisdom that she purchased yesterday.

In one section of this book, titled “You Can Send Yourself a Telegram” Miss Post offers a suggestion for removing oneself from an uncomfortable stay in someone’s home. And the picture she paints of the uncomfortable is most dreadful: it involves a lumpy bed, a room filled with mosquitos, near a room with a wailing baby, and the temperature of the room approaching a hundred degrees. Goodness. That does seem like a hellish environment. Miss Post suggests sending oneself a telegram the next morning, presumably to call one home.

The Lady thinks this was a fine idea. She also is glad that we now live in a world with much more technology and options at our fingertips. In our day and age, we would not have to spend a night in hell and then extricate ourselves the next morning. We could text a friend, have them call under the guise of an emergency, and pack to leave immediately.

The two admonishments that Miss Post (and the Lady Hooper-Brackett!) give is that one must never let your host family know how miserable you were and no matter how bad your brief stay, you must never complain, divulge, or otherwise confide that the visit was anything other than pleasant.

Woe to the next person who stays in the hellish accommodations.

Best Guest Wishes,

The Lady Hooper-Brackett

The Lady Goes Shopping

Cherished readers, I stepped out today to visit one of my favorite antique malls. This place is huge and has everything you could possibly want under one roof. I love to browse their large selection of books and have built my collection of vintage etiquette books from this one place. Today I was not disappointed.

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I found the 1945 edition of Emily Post’s Etiquette. Now, this is not the first copy of Emily Post that I own, but my other is a much newer edition. Part of why I enjoy collecting these volumes so much is that I am able to see snapshots of social mores and then compare them to other editions to see how much things have changed. I am positive that I will enjoy reading this and have even more fun sharing with you the nuggets of wisdom that I will glean from its pages. These old books are my textbooks!

So, while today is not a true blog about etiquette, I wanted to share with you my find. Back to the mannerly stuff tomorrow! I will find something from this book to touch upon for my next blog!

Best Shopping (and Reading!) Wishes,

The Lady Hooper-Brackett