Category: Entertaining and Guests

Politics, Holidays, and Family

I enjoy holidays for the family togetherness and of course, the opportunity to show off a properly set table! But just what if the table will be filled with those on opposite sides of the political spectrum? Let us examine…

Dear Lady Hooper-Brackett, 

I am a 53 year old woman who is beyond the point of tolerance for my family members. Maybe it’s my age, but I have no patience, time, or inclination to deal with people who are letting their opposing political views get in the way of my Thanksgiving celebration. My darling cherub children and their cousins are pretty much guaranteeing a big family feud as we carve the turkey. I have seen with my own eyes the posts on social media. I find this whole thing absurd and feel caught in the middle. What can I do? I told my husband I am ready to cancel the whole thing and go eat my Thanksgiving meal in peace at Golden Corral. 

Pissed Off Mother of 4

Dear Pissed Off Mother of 4,

Firstly, I would like to point out that this is the precise reason that politics is on the No-No Topic list for polite conversation!

Second, while I dn’t have a problem with Golden Corral, I’m unsure that you will be satisfied entrusting your Thanksgiving enjoyment to this place on what will probably be the most crowded day of the year.

Third, I remind you that the gathering will be at your home and YOU make the rules. If this animosity if being broadcast across social media, you have every right to send an email or make a call informing the warring factions that they are to leave their political squabbling at the door and not bring it inside. That is NOT what a family meal is for. And as you mention cousins will be coming to your home, I would include their parents (you or your husband’s siblings) on the email or calls. MAKE IT VERY CLEAR (in a mannerly way, of course) that this is a non-negotiable house rule. For example:

“Dear Children and Dear Nieces and Nephews, I am looking forward to seeing all of you on Thanksgiving and enjoying much-anticipated family time. I request that we use this day to celebrate family and gratitude and not use it to squabble over politics, religion, or any other divisive topic. I want to hear all about YOU, your families, jobs, and achievements. I love you all and I know that you will respect my wishes as you come to my home. I would be very disappointed to not continue our family tradition due to this matter. We will be family longer than any one political person will be the in office. Love, Your Pissed Off Mother and Aunt”

I am quite frankly tired of the political climate, which is why I frequently watches re-runs of Designing Women and The Golden Girls and has fond memories of the 80s and the Reagans. (Am I showing my age?)

Please write back after Thanksgiving with an update.

Best Thanksgiving Wishes,

The Lady Hooper-Brackett

Football Fracas

Do you host football or other sports parties? Have you had ever had an unruly guest? I feel that this just might be a situation that is quite common.

Dear Lady Hooper-Brackett,

Please give me the best advice you can on what to do about my cousin. She comes over every Sunday to watch football (we have about 20 people here each week as we enjoy watching the games). She is fine at first, but boy, once she has her fourth beer in her, she becomes a belligerent jerk. She thinks she is being funny with people, she picks on people, but she calls it ‘busting chops’; she is really rude and crass. She is hurting the feelings of everyone who come here. My problem is, I am completely a non-confrontational person. The thought of dis-inviting her is keeping me up at night. What do I do? 

Stressed Hostess

Dear Stressed Hostess,

I certainly don’t advise speaking to her about this while she well into her cups. I shudder to think what would happen. I must admit that I cannot understand those types of people who feel the need to ‘bust chops’ as you said. How does it contribute to a pleasant gathering if you pick on others?

When she is sober, talk to her about her behavior. If you are still scared to do this and it  still gives you insomnia…omit liquor from the Sunday get-togethers completely and see if  the same thing happens. If she is no longer jerky, then fine…all is well. But if she is still rude, I fear you must tell her that she is no longer welcome.

No guest has the right to behave in the manner you described. She is showing disrespect to you, your home, and your other guests.

The Lady Hooper-Brackett

Uninvited Guests

This question was posed to me from an acquaintance in Florida who finds that her prime locale attracts friends and family to forget their good manners and ‘drop in’ to see her whenever they are in the vicinity.

Dear Lady Hooper-Brackett,

My husband and I moved to Florida three years ago and we love it here. Apparently, most of our friends and family from back in our old state do, too. Little did we know how much everyone loves it down here, especially in the winter. I can’t tell you how many times we have been spending a quiet weekend when the doorbell rings and we answer it only to find our distant cousins, former neighbors, and long ago coworkers waiting on the doorstep. They almost always invariably say, “We couldn’t come down to the theme parks without stopping in to see you.” The problem is, we have never actually issued invitations to any of them, never mind a standing invitation to just come by whenever they are in town. This is annoying enough, but there have been times they have actually brought their bathing suits in order to use our pool. My husband and I are not rude people and we do not know how to stop this from happening without being rude. I am tired of having our peace and days interrupted. We both run our businesses from home and it is very disruptive. 

Frustrated in Florida

Dear Frustrated in Florida,

I’m not sure how you’ve managed to keep your cool! I’m very disappointed to learn so many people have terrible manners. Naturally, it is extremely rude to just stop by unannounced especially in this day and age of cell phones and instant communication. There is absolutely no excuse for just showing up anywhere and expecting to be entertained. I think that perhaps some people see where you live as not really being part of the real world but as some place of permanent vacation.

It is imperative to stop this intrusion for your own sanity or it will continue to get worse. If you continue to open your door and find the uninvited do not allow them inside. Tell them “I am so sorry, hubby and I are working and cannot take any time away from that to see you. Will you call first the next time you would like to visit and we will see if we are able to arrange a visit.” And leave it at that. It is NOT rude to do so.

Best Visitor Wishes,

The Lady Hooper-Brackett

Six Course Formal Dinner

I am asked about the courses to serve at a formal dinner more times than I can remember each year. I realize that these occasions are few and far between for most folks, so I tolerate the repetitiveness. There is certainly nothing wrong with a little knowledge even if on repeat! I base my thoughts here on the advice and training I received from numerous etiquette books and apply these guidelines to my own entertaining.

Six courses is the maximum number to serve at even the most formal of gatherings. More than this and your place settings will be huge and your guests confused. Try to remember the food preferences of those you’ve invited, but certainly do not apologize if they don’t like something you serve. They may take a token serving and leave it on their plates.

  1. Choose one: Fresh fruit cup, soup, shellfish or melon. The shellfish selection may include oysters, shrimp, or clams. BEWARE those that do not like shellfish. It might be wise to stick with soup.
  2. Fish course (which you would omit if you served shellfish in the first course) or a dish such as sweetbreads (not sweet breads. Google if you don’t know what this is. As an aside, I prefer to serve the fish course as a matter of courtesy for those who will not eat sweetbreads.)
  3. The entree, which may be chicken, turkey, or roast beef. You may also consider a vegetarian option for those who are not meat eaters.
  4. Salad. The salad may also be served with the entree in a separate side dish. It is entirely correct to serve the salad after the entree, despite the custom to serve it first in restaurants.
  5. Dessert
  6. Coffee (or tea, port wine, brandy)

A well-balanced menu is imperative and should be easy to achieve with this number of courses. Strike a balance between rich dishes and the more simple ones.

The appearance of the food should also be considered. Think of color…don’t serve all white foods with white sauces on white plates (Ohhhh how boring!) Don’t serve all sweet or all savory dishes. Aim for a beautiful balance so that the foods may be enjoyed thoroughly.

Arrange vegetables neatly in the serving dish. Arrange the meats neatly, also, rather than just piling them high on a platter. Make it interesting for your guests. Appeal to all of the senses!!!

Best Dinner Wishes,

The Lady Hooper-Brackett

Denied The Recipe

I suppose this situation might be common, but I am not one to ask for recipes. I had to think about just a little in order to answer, as I was trying to get into the head of the one doing the denying!

Dear Lady Hooper-Brackett, 

We recently had dinner at a friend’s house and she served the most delicious dessert! I asked her for the recipe and she seemed taken aback and flatly refused to give it to me. I can’t help but feel slighted…just who was at fault here? 

Dessert Lover

Dear Dessert Lover,

I believe that asking for a recipe for a meal or dish that you truly enjoy is not rude. Quite truthfully, it is a sincere form of flattery. The host should never be insulted to be asked. However, I believe that the host is justified in refusing to divulge the recipe in the following circumstances:

They received the recipe from someone who made them promise never to give it out.

The recipe is a family heirloom (of sorts) and is handed down with the expectation that it will remain a family secret.

The Lady also looks at the situation in this way:

What if your host PURCHASED the dessert and served it to you under the subterfuge that it was their own creation. In this instance, there would be no recipe to pass on. (What a tangled web they weave!)

Best Dessert Wishes,

The Lady Hooper-Brackett