Ask The Lady Hooper Brackett – The Lady Hooper-Brackett: Etiquette. Manners. Advice.

Dealing With Overly Friendly Pets

The Hooper-Bracketts are definitely dog people. I love my little mixed-breed rescue dog (sometimes more than I like people!) This question comes from someone who doesn’t particularly like pets.

Dear Lady Hooper-Brackett,

Full disclosure: I think most pets are smelly creatures and can’t stand when I am visiting a friend’s house and I am bombarded with attention from their pets. How can I politely let my friend or the host know that I do not like to be around their pets?

Not Pet Friendly

Dear Not Pet Friendly,

I can assure you that not all pets are smelly creatures. With that being said, I believe that the most polite way to explain why a pet cannot be around you is to simply say, “I’m so sorry, but I am allergic to your (insert animal type).” A good host should immediately remove their animal companion so as not to cause the guest undue discomfort. I am also sure that the pet will also be thankful to be removed from your presence since you object to them so strongly.

Best Pet Wishes,

The Lady Hooper-Brackett

Handling a Nosy Fellow Traveler

I totally sympathized with the sender of this question as I too have much experience traveling with the general public and dealing with them.

Dear Lady Hooper-Brackett,

On a recent flight, there was a man who was one of the last to get on the plane and of course, he sat in the seat right beside me (the middle seat in a row of three). He had a faint odor of liquor, also, so I think he knocked back a few before boarding. I was on a business trip and once it was safe to do so, I began to work on my laptop. The man began to look at my screen and comment on the report I was working on! He went so far as to suggest edits!!! While it was nothing confidential (like a medical or financial report) I was taken aback by the ballsiness of this person. In frustration, I slammed the laptop shut and put it away. He then said in this ridiculous high and mighty tone, “Gee, I was only trying to help.” I said nothing, pulled out my eye shade, and pretended I was asleep. As an aside, I missed getting the pitiful drink and snack they serve because I just wanted him to think I was asleep and not deal with him. Any thoughts on this situation? Should I have told him off?

A Good Passenger

Dear Good Passenger,

I commend the restraint you showed and feels that you were wise to behave so. In the confined Aluminum Tube, it is best to control your temper. Bad enough to have a heated exchange with feet firmly on the ground, but at 33000 feet….well, one has seen the news about these types of things.

Obviously, it goes without saying that you did nothing wrong. While one wishes to not deal with these types of people, in the circumstances you found yourself in, it is best to ignore and be silent to the best of our ability. One never knows how volatile a person can be after a few drinks (as you stated) and it was best not to find out. So, let him be pompous, after a few hours, you won’t see him again.

I’m also sorry you missed snack service, although with the meager servings they give you these days, I’m sure your nutrition didn’t suffer that day.

Best Travel Wishes,

The Lady Hooper-Brackett

Choosing a Honeymoon Destination

Someone posed this question and it took me a day or so to come up with answer. But I think my opinion might have been helpful to these folks!

Dear Lady Hooper-Brackett,

All of the preparations for my wedding are going smoothly except for choosing where to go on our honeymoon. My fiance is an outdoorsman and wants to have an active honeymoon with fishing and hiking. I would rather go to museums and relax. I’m not saying this is actually causing us to fight, but my fiance has made the point that this is the only vacation he will get this year (he just started a new job and is limited on his days off). Help, please. Do you have any suggestions?

Harried Honeymooner

Dear Harried Honeymooner,

I empathize with your problem because, quite frankly, I went through the same thing with Lord Hooper-Brackett. You ask for help and suggestions…here they are:

You should choose something that you will both enjoy. This trip begins your married life together and should be one of pleasant memories and not the first battle of wills in the marriage. Remember: manners and consideration are more important than ever in a happy household.
You do not say if you wish to stay in the United States or go abroad, but I suggest France as a destination that will fit both of your interests in nicely. Paris a large walking city (hiking!!!) and is filled with museums to satisfy you (not to mention the wonderful food) and then you may take a day or two so your groom can indulge in fishing in Brittany.
If the United States is your choice: Savannah, Georgia and Newport, RI offer fishing and cultural experiences. Actually any coastal city on the East Coast (by virtue of being part of the original colonies) should have a mix of history and recreation which will satisfy both of you.

I could exhaust myself making suggestions. My best advice: make this trip a reflection of you both as a couple. And try the fishing excursion. Even if you only sit on the boat and cheer him as he reels one in, your togetherness is all that matters.

Best Honeymoon Wishes,

The Lady Hooper-Brackett

When They Won’t Stop Calling

During a lunch with some friends, one mentioned that she is in the midst of dealing with a relative who repeatedly calls her at all hours of the day and night to moan, groan, and complain about her problems. She rarely asks after my friend. Her cup of patience is almost empty. She turned to me for guidance and I told her I needed to think about things. I believe that these types of situations might be common, so after discussing with my friend, she agreed I could share my insights with you. Below you will find what I advised her. Name changed to protect the innocent.

Dear Dorcas,

I pondered your situation on the drive home and the first thing that I would like to remind you of is the fact that your phone, be it your landline or cell, is for your convenience only and not for anyone else’s. You are entirely within your rights to only answer the phone when it is convenient for you. I know that you felt guilty letting it go to voice mail so often, but there is absolutely nothing wrong with that.

I am very dismayed that this person only seeks out your listening ear to vent and spew complaints and never asks how you are.

BUT, and it is a big BUT, if you are the only person who listens to her, perhaps there may be an emotional problem that she is suffering from and your being there for her is helping her. Because she is family, I would not cut ties with her; but I would be very honest with her and inform her that because you and your family are very busy there must be a set time when you will take calls. Give her one or two times during the week that you will speak to her and explain that if she calls out of those times, you will not be answering. If there is an emergency, she may text or email. You must control the situation while being loving and considerate.

I feel that one can set boundaries and still be a good friend and we lose nothing by extending these courtesies. In fact, you may find you regain your sanity when dealing with her.

Best Telephone Wishes,

The Lady Hooper-Brackett

Gracefully Declining When Someone Invites Themselves Along

Here’s a situation that I hear about quite a bit, though usually it is a friend or family member inviting themselves along. A coworker needs to be handled delicately.

Dear Lady Hooper-Brackett,

I have a business acquaintance who continually hints to me that she would like to travel with me one day. Whenever I mention that I am going somewhere she starts with the broad hints. “We should travel together. I also like going to ‘xyz’.” I continue to say nothing and ignore her each time. I would think that she would get the hint that I do not wish to travel with her. She is an extremely high-maintenance individual. Last year our company sent us to St. Louis for a week and while everyone else packed all they needed in carry on bags, she packed a huge checked suitcase along with her two carry ons. She is petulant and has a fit if she doesn’t get her way or things do not go as expected at work. The thought of being trapped in a room or a plane with her makes me cringe. How do I handle her pushiness?

Scared of Offending a Colleague

Dear Scared of Offending a Colleague,

Oh my dear, I offer these thoughts as response to your email.

Do you goad this woman into thinking you would be open to traveling with her?
Why do you continue to share your travel plans with her? Is it to show off?
Have you considered that she is lonely and looking for a friend? I am not dismissing your very valid feelings about traveling with her personally. I obviously know nothing about either of you, but generally difficult people become so from insecurity. Perhaps she wasn’t sure about her wardrobe choices being appropriate which is why she packed so much to take with her on your joint business trip.
Might you ‘day trip’ to local places of interest? This would give you both the opportunity to see a new place without the time or space commitment of being in a hotel room.

The bottom line is be kind. One never knows what struggles another has. And keeping peace at work is an important goal.

Best Peaceful Wishes,

The Lady Hooper-Brackett