theladyhooperbrackett

Uninvited Guests

This question was posed to me from an acquaintance in Florida who finds that her prime locale attracts friends and family to forget their good manners and ‘drop in’ to see her whenever they are in the vicinity.

Dear Lady Hooper-Brackett,

My husband and I moved to Florida three years ago and we love it here. Apparently, most of our friends and family from back in our old state do, too. Little did we know how much everyone loves it down here, especially in the winter. I can’t tell you how many times we have been spending a quiet weekend when the doorbell rings and we answer it only to find our distant cousins, former neighbors, and long ago coworkers waiting on the doorstep. They almost always invariably say, “We couldn’t come down to the theme parks without stopping in to see you.” The problem is, we have never actually issued invitations to any of them, never mind a standing invitation to just come by whenever they are in town. This is annoying enough, but there have been times they have actually brought their bathing suits in order to use our pool. My husband and I are not rude people and we do not know how to stop this from happening without being rude. I am tired of having our peace and days interrupted. We both run our businesses from home and it is very disruptive.

Frustrated in Florida

Dear Frustrated in Florida,

I’m not sure how you’ve managed to keep your cool! I’m very disappointed to learn so many people have terrible manners. Naturally, it is extremely rude to just stop by unannounced especially in this day and age of cell phones and instant communication. There is absolutely no excuse for just showing up anywhere and expecting to be entertained. I think that perhaps some people see where you live as not really being part of the real world but as some place of permanent vacation.

It is imperative to stop this intrusion for your own sanity or it will continue to get worse. If you continue to open your door and find the uninvited do not allow them inside. Tell them “I am so sorry, hubby and I are working and cannot take any time away from that to see you. Will you call first the next time you would like to visit and we will see if we are able to arrange a visit.” And leave it at that. It is NOT rude to do so.

Best Visitor Wishes,

The Lady Hooper-Brackett

Cocktails with Mr. Babcock and Mame

Cherished readers, The Lady hopes you will enjoy this fun, short snippet from one of her favorite films, Auntie Mame starring Rosalind Russell. Little Patrick Dennis demonstrates impeccable manners in his dealings with Mr. Babcock. A true gentleman host!

Best Friday Wishes,

The Lady Hooper-Brackett

Eavesdropping Over The Cubicle Wall

Many years ago, I was employed at a large insurance company and had my very own cubicle. I can relate to the writer of this question.

Dear Lady Hooper-Brackett,

I work in a large office on a floor with approximately 100 other people. We work in our own little cubicle villages, but as you can imagine there is very little privacy. There is one co-worker who is ridiculously obnoxious to all of us around her. She listens to every conversation, both business and personal, and pokes her head over the wall and comments or advises without invitation. While I realize anything you say on the floor can be overheard, I find the fact that she makes no bones about letting us all know she knows what is going on and seems almost proud that she is an eavesdropper. So what do we do? I am writing not just for myself but for the group of us who are forced to sit near her.

Frustrated in Cubicle Purgatory

Dear Frustrated,

Oh my.

I preface my answer by acknowledging that this person may be lonely and just looking for something to talk about. Also, she might not even realize what she is doing is rude because of the expectation of no privacy on the floor. If she is one of these people and you will know it usually, I advise kindness. Just smile at her when she comments or thank her. Maybe even taking a break together and being friendly will help. Steer subjects to things other than work. The lonely and the clueless can generally be rehabilitated.

If you suspect that this is not the case with this person and you find she just enjoys feeling in charge and in control, when she starts to advise you about business, cut her off and say “Thank you, SoandSo, I have it covered.” If you all do this, I believe that this will stop.

If it is a personal conversation, again cut her off and pointedly say, “That was a private matter that I do not wish to discuss it with you.”

The problem with eavesdroppers is that they only hear one side of things and their advice (and the gossip that they pass) only applies to their one-sided listening. If this is truly bothersome and disruptive to work, I am sure that HR can call a meeting on the matter and address it as a department or company issue.

Best Work Wishes,

The Lady Hooper-Brackett

Decorum at The Table

I had gotten two questions in short succession about dining away from home and how to comport yourself, be it in a restaurant or at a friend’s home. Here are good reminders for us all.

Should you be a smoker, do not smoke at the table. I’m not sure any restaurant allows smoking anymore, so I will say that it is important to remember not to do this when in a friend’s or family’s home.
Should you be in a buffet restaurant or at a party where there is a buffet line, do not fill your plate to epic proportions the first time around. You can always go back for more. (I once saw a patron at a salad bar fill up their plate in an attempt to resemble Mount Everest!)
Your dinner napkin is never tucked into the neck of your shirt. I go so far as to say that those plastic bibs they give you at New England restaurants when you order lobster are also a no-no. (Don’t come at me…I know they are there to save clothing…but I still believe they are not totally appropriate!)
No fixing makeup at the table, or heaven forbid…combing the hair!
Using at a toothpick at the table is frowned upon.
Do not pick up a dropped utensil or anything else that may have fallen to the floor. Ask your hostess or waiter for a new one. Think how picking up the dirty implement will sully the table with all of the germs from the floor.

Best Dining Wishes,

The Lady Hooper-Brackett

Multi-Level Annoyance

I cannot be certain how widespread this issue really is, as the correspondent states she is from Texas, but I feel this might be something that some readers deal with regardless of locale.

Dear Lady Hooper-Brackett,

How do I politely say no to a woman who is involved in a multi-level marketing company who continually pesters me to try the latest and greatest product? I have never shown enthusiasm for the products at all, but at every turn she brings up the company, the marketing plan, and actually makes me feel as though there is something wrong with me for not wanting to join. The fact is, she and the other people who sell these products are pushy as hell and I have no desire to be in their company. I am a proper Southern Belle Texas lady, but there are times I want to be rude and tell her to back off.

Had Enough In Houston

Dear Had Enough in Houston,

I’m sorry that you are being seemingly targeted by this enthusiastic person who obviously is passionate about what they do. Their passion, however, should not infringe on your peace and quiet. I see nothing wrong with telling her flatly that while you appreciate her wishing to “spread the word” about products she obviously loves, you do not wish to try them, so please do not ask. Be firm. If she continues on her quest to get you to buy or sign, she is the rude one, and you have every right to remind her that you’ve spoken to her already about your feelings on this company. No is NO.

Socialization should not be a sales pitch. In my opinion, truly effective sales efforts attract and do not attack.

Best Non-Salesy Wishes,

The Lady Hooper-Brackett