theladyhooperbrackett

The Etiquette of Leftovers

With an increased interest in economy and saving money, more people are using all of their leftovers. But this question involves serving them at a social gathering.

Dear Lady Hooper-Brackett,

For the past six years on the day after Thanksgiving, my sister-in-law has a party at her home. She feels that since we are all not together on the holiday proper, it can be a ‘second-edition’ Thanksgiving for us. She extends invitations to about a dozen of us in the family. My question is this: Is it really acceptable for her to heat up her Thanksgiving leftovers and serve these items to us as she has been doing? Don’t get me wrong, her cooking is wonderful, but I can’t help but feel that it is a little rude to be served leftover food. Who is correct here?

I Don’t Like Leftovers

Dear I Don’t Like Leftovers,

I admit that I have never been asked this question before, so some time was needed to come up with a thoughtful answer.

I believe that since she is very upfront about this being a ‘second-edition’ Thanksgiving and is inviting family only, this is perfectly fine. I wonder just what else you would be eating on the day after Thanksgiving if you weren’t eating turkey and all the fixings?
Your sister-in-law is being gracious by providing a venue for you all to be together after not spending the holiday itself together. Her invitation is sent from affection.
What’s wrong with eating food that is wonderfully cooked?
I’m pleased to see that she will not be discarding perfectly good food, but sharing it with you all.

The one caveat to this that I will add: It never seems proper to serve leftovers in any other circumstance than this one: Invite family or extremely close friends only and be upfront.

Try to be gracious yourself, even if you do not like leftovers.

Best Leftover Wishes,

The Lady Hooper-Brackett

The Constant Interruptor

Dear Lady Hooper-Brackett,

My husband is becoming an irritating jerk. He constantly interrupts conversations. No matter who is speaking. It is annoying to have to stop mid-sentence while he spouts his platitudes and interjects his nonsense. I’m fed up. What can I do?

Ready To Scream

Dear Ready To Scream,

Remember the part in your vows where you said for better or for worse. Well…you’ve entered for worse.

Dealing with someone who constantly interrupts is a huge challenge that requires some tact. You can always address this annoying behavior in the moment, stating calmly that you would appreciate the opportunity to finish speaking before he offers a response.

Another approach is to talk to him in private when things are calm. Tell him how being interrupted makes you feel and remind him that others also feel this way.

Unfortunately, there are people who just will not learn. My big concern is that he is doing this at work and it is affecting his prospects. That angle might be the best one to approach him with. Money talks.

Best always,

The Lady Hooper-Brackett.

Welcome from the Lady

Your Welcome Letter

Welcome, cherished friends and readers. It is my pleasure to play hostess to you as we explore the world of good manners. Please do make yourselves at home.

In the busy, sometimes impersonal world that we live in, there is a true need for etiquette and manners. And before you say, “But my dear Lady, surely nothing as old-fashioned as etiquette is relevant any more,” let me say that knowing what to do in common situations is one of the greatest skills that you can develop. The charm, poise, and self-esteem that comes from having a good grasp of the social niceties are invaluable assets. More than ever (as more people look at their phones rather than looking at people) those with the polish that good manners provides will find that they have increased opportunities. People still matter even in this technology-driven world.

I extend to you a permanent engraved invitation to check back often as we cover a variety of subjects. I look forward to your acquaintance.

With Best Wishes,

The Lady Hooper-Brackett

A Snubbing?

And this came across my emails this week! I wonder how many people have dealt with this type of siutation?

Dear Lady Hooper-Brackett,

I think we’ve been snubbed. We have not heard from a certain couple for about 8 months. Our last contact was us extending an invitation to dinner to which they attended. But we have not heard a peep! Should we reach out to them?

Appalled and Confused.

Dear Appalled and Confused,

By all means yes, make one last attempt. You don’t know if there has been an illness or other occurrence that kept them from communicating.

If nothing has occurred but you sense coolness from them, so be it.

But the petering out of your friendship will not have been caused by you.

Keeping Peace In The Family

I’d like to thank you for all the messages of gladness that I’ve returned! My email is overflowing with questions and this is the one that was at the top of the list this morning. It is not the typical question that I receive, but this might be helpful for other people going through the same thing.

Dear Lady Hooper-Brackett,

This Christmas was very rough for me and I need some clarity. I am the only one of my family that is of a different spiritual path.As I am the only one of us that lived close to my dad, my father gave me power of attorney in all of his legal matters, including the person he chose to make his arrangements after he passed. He had been ill for a time and wanted no stress for the family. He did not tell me what he wanted as far as a funeral or celebration of life. I chose to have a simple cemetery ceremony when he passed earlier this year with no church service. This has caused a lot of resentment from my siblings, especially my sister. She confronted me at Christmas and let me know just what she thought about what she calls my evil decision. I now have guilt wondering if I did the right thing? My Dad was not religious nor was he a churchgoer and I have not held to the tenets of the religion I was born to for many years. How do I deal with this as I want harmony again in our family?-B.W.

Dear B.W.,

First, my condolences on the loss of your dad.

Second, I believe that you did the best you could. With no instruction and knowing what you did of his religious feelings, a simple ceremony seems to be appropriate. I also feel that your siblings could have done a separate ceremony should they wish. If no one offered, move forward knowing that you did nothing wrong.

Last, I will say that your goal of harmony is a good one. I suggest that on the first anniversary of your dad’s passing you have a church service or Mass said in his honor? This might help to alleviate this tension. I wish you and your family the best and peace always..