General Advice – The Lady Hooper-Brackett: Etiquette. Manners. Advice.

The Masculine Graces: Chivalry Part 2

To continue on with our look at the Gentlemanly Art of Chivalry:

A gentleman may order for a lady if they are out to dinner. I find this to be such a nice old-fashioned custom (I happen to like old fashioned things). The lady glances at the menu, makes her selection, tells her escort what she would like and he orders for her.

When going to a movie, concert , or theater, a gentleman allows the lady to go first when going into the row of seats.

While walking together on a sidewalk, a gentleman places himself on the side that abuts the street.

Gentlemen remove their hats while indoors.

Gentlemen open car doors for their ladies. I do so love this. Lord Hooper-Brackett does this when we go out and even though we have been together for many years, it still makes me smile.

It is exceedingly gentlemanly to be sure that all ladies are served first if you are the host and passing drinks, appetizers, etc.

And there you have some more on the subject of chivalry…and I am quite sure I will have more to say on this subject as time goes on.

Best Mannerly Wishes,

The Lady Hooper-Brackett

The Masculine Graces: Chivalry Part 1

I am blessed to be surrounded by male friends and family members who have learned and developed their skills as chivalric men. Now, whether this is due to fear of offending me, I cannot say, however I have heard others give them compliments on their manners, so I am hopeful they are chivalric because it is the correct and mannerly thing to do.

So…what are some chivalric habits of the cultivated male? To start, we will look at these skills.

Gentlemen should rise when a lady enters or leaves the room. This rule of chivalry extends to ladies also when an older person or some person of great esteem enters and leaves.

Gentlemen should open doors for ladies. I can hear the groans from the independent factions of females who feel they do not need a man to do this for them. To this I say: Let the gentleman be gentlemanly and open your door. You merely have to utter the words “Thank you” when he does so. It is a nicety. Let him be nice and let you be gracious in accepting the niceness.

Gentlemen should give up their seats on public conveyances to ladies. He should also assist with any packages or luggage she might be trying to stow. I realize there are some women who think they can handle things fine. Just accept the courtesy shown to you. Remember that the etiquette is to make everyone feel at ease. He is trying to put you at ease. Your refusal, righteous indignation, anger, offense etc…will not put him at ease, nor will it put the spectators around you at ease.

Should a gentleman ask a lady for a date or to accompany him to some entertainment, he picks up the tab. I should say that this is also a vice-versa situation. If the lady asks, she pays.

More to follow!

Best Chivalry Wishes,

The Lady Hooper-Brackett

Mobile Manners: The Etiquette of Cell Phone Usage

I cannot begin to list how many times I’ve been out with Lord Hooper-Brackett and while enjoying a meal, having the peace shattered by a big mouth at the next table having a loud conversation on his cell. Of course these vociferous exchanges are usually precipitated by an obnoxious ringtone playing a vulgar song.

I’ve pretty much had enough of cell phone use in public and have compiled a list of things that will help you in not being one of ‘those people’ who annoy others when using your cell phone.

Etiquette and manners are about consideration of those around you. If you remember nothing else about manners, remember this: Do Nothing That Will Draw Attention To Yourself. (I say this part loud: Please reconsider your public ringtone)
Speak softly and speak quickly.
Do not discuss private topics or other people in a public place. Voices carry.
Do watch your language and do not curse or swear.
Do not repeatedly glance at your phone, text, or check the web while you are conversing with others.
Do not be a distracted driver and use the cell while you are driving.
Silence phones in theaters, libraries, churches, schools, meetings….anywhere that people can be disturbed.
If it annoys you when you see others doing it, it annoys others when you do it. Remember that people and relationships matter; be mindful of your habits and control them.

Technology is a wonderful thing…after all, it allows you to read this blog! How we handle the technology is another thing entirely. I am hopeful that a day will come when everyone in restaurants looks up at the person they are seated across from and not down at their phones.

Best Cell Wishes,

The Lady Hooper-Brackett

Graciously Responding to Someone Who Has Treated You Poorly In The Past

Here is an anonymous email asking for advice on a subject that I am sure we all deal with in our lives.

Dear Lady Hooper-Brackett,

Recently I was in a restaurant and I noticed a man kept looking over at me. I didn’t recognize him and kept on with my conversation. Suddenly, I noticed he was approaching the table. He stood near my seat and said ,”I wanted to come over and say hello. Do you recognize me?” I didn’t. He then said , “Weren’t you in the class of 1996 at Stamford High School? Didn’t you go on the senior trip to the Jersey Shore?” It was then my heart dropped. This was the guy that I had a huge crush on in school, the man that I childishly pursued. His way of handling it 20 some odd years ago was to humiliate me and make fun of me publicly.

I was polite and made small talk for a few minutes. He seemed really happy to see me and as though he forgot all of the strangeness from school. Also, I felt bad for him because time wasn’t kind to him and he has lost his looks. But I wonder if I should have been less than polite to him?

Thank you.

Dearest Emailer, I am more concerned about the way this man approached you in public than with how you handled yourself, but perhaps I will touch upon that in another post. To answer your question about your own reaction, this is what I feel.

It will never be incorrect to be polite to someone in the circumstances that you detail. No doubt, in the two decades since you have left high school, you have grown as an individual and would never remake the mistakes of youth. You were right to give him the benefit of the doubt and be polite, after all he has no doubt moved on from the follies of his youth. He may not remember the situation from school the same way that you do. I feel that since he made an effort to come to speak to you, then he was happy he had seen you. I feel you handled things nicely in a surprise situation.

I do believe, however, that there is nothing wrong with taking secret delight in the fact that someone who was once rude to you “lost his looks” as you say. In fact, I believe you should be most pleased that you looked enough the same that someone who knew you so long ago would still recognize you. Keep doing what you’re doing!

Best Mannerly Wishes,

The Lady Hooper-Brackett

When They Won’t Stop Calling

During a lunch with some friends, one mentioned that she is in the midst of dealing with a relative who repeatedly calls her at all hours of the day and night to moan, groan, and complain about her problems. She rarely asks after my friend. Her cup of patience is almost empty. She turned to me for guidance and I told her I needed to think about things. I believe that these types of situations might be common, so after discussing with my friend, she agreed I could share my insights with you. Below you will find what I advised her. Name changed to protect the innocent.

Dear Dorcas,

I pondered your situation on the drive home and the first thing that I would like to remind you of is the fact that your phone, be it your landline or cell, is for your convenience only and not for anyone else’s. You are entirely within your rights to only answer the phone when it is convenient for you. I know that you felt guilty letting it go to voice mail so often, but there is absolutely nothing wrong with that.

I am very dismayed that this person only seeks out your listening ear to vent and spew complaints and never asks how you are.

BUT, and it is a big BUT, if you are the only person who listens to her, perhaps there may be an emotional problem that she is suffering from and your being there for her is helping her. Because she is family, I would not cut ties with her; but I would be very honest with her and inform her that because you and your family are very busy there must be a set time when you will take calls. Give her one or two times during the week that you will speak to her and explain that if she calls out of those times, you will not be answering. If there is an emergency, she may text or email. You must control the situation while being loving and considerate.

I feel that one can set boundaries and still be a good friend and we lose nothing by extending these courtesies. In fact, you may find you regain your sanity when dealing with her.

Best Telephone Wishes,

The Lady Hooper-Brackett